You Can't Fix It If You Don't Know It's Broken
by loquaciouslauryn
Summary: Kurt has been pushed to his limits, and Blaine finds him broken. Klaine. M for references to self harm; TRIGGER WARNING.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story is not for the faint hearted. WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE. If you are feeling or thinking about what is mentioned in the warning, please talk to somebody. Life is precious, though a lot of times it may feel anything but.

I couldn't take it anymore. The harassing, the teasing, the threats. Who every told me that words wouldn't break me is a total idiot. I always imagined myself dying this way, I just didn't think so soon. I walked over to my desk and pulled out fresh piece of paper.

_Dear Blaine,_

_ I first want you to know this isn't your fault. I love you and I will always love you. I will be watching you from up here all the time. I don't want you to mourn over me. I want you to find someone else who will make you happy, because let's be honest, you can do better than me. I'm always depressed and you try so hard to cheer me up, but really, lets be honest. There's no hope for me._

_ Blaine, I know that you are going to blame all of this on yourself, but I don't want you to. It wasn't you. You are upset right now because you feel you didn't notice that I was thinking of this, and you are angry you didn't see it in me, but I want you to know that I'm glad you didn't because the you would've tried to stop me. This is what is best for me Blaine._

_ This is for all the people who called us fags Blaine. Now they can live happier that one less fag is in the world. This is something I am doing; something that I want and I can't stress it enough._

_ Blaine, I love you, but I know you're miserable with me. I want you to find someone who is happy and truly makes you happy. I will always love you_

_Goodbye Beautiful_

_Kurt._

I sighed, folding up the piece of paper and sliding it into an envelope addressed to Blaine. I left it on my desk where I knew he or someone else would find. I lead myself to the bathroom and shut the door, opening the medicine cabinet and grabbing everything I could. I pulled the shower current opened and grabbed my razor and slumped to the ground.

(Blaine's POV)

I was feeling a little spontaneous when I decided to drop by Kurt's house to surprise him. He seemed down lately, so I thought maybe I could cheer him up with some takeout, a movie and a bouquet of flowers. I knocked on the door and found it unusual that Kurt didn't answer. The door was unlocked and I let myself in. "Kurt?" I yelled

I walked down to Kurt's little chamber and walked into it. I set my gifts down on the desk and saw a letter with my name on it. I picked it up confused and began to read the paper.

_Kurt was going to kill himself. What have I done?_ I began to panic

"KURT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? KURT PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU?"

I opened the door to Kurt's private bathroom where he was sitting on the ground with boxes and bottles of drugs sitting all around him. His eyes were red from crying but I saw no new tears. He had a razor blade in his hand. The blade was running across his wrist and blood was surrounding him on the floor. He looked up to me and burst out into tears

"KURT!"

I ran over to him and pulled him into my arms. He was sobbing into my chest, and tears were streaming down my face into his hair.

"WHY BLAINE, WHY! WHY DID YOU STOP ME? JUST LET ME DIE" he screamed through his sobs

"Kurt, please calm down. Please. Shhhh, I got you." I tried my best to comfort him through my own tears and I kissed the top of my loving boyfriend's head. I planted kiss on the top of his skull and all around his cheek. I took my over shirt off and wrapped them around his wrists to cover the cuts. We were surrounded by blood, and both of our outfits were now splattered in blood. I could care less. I sat there for what seemed like hours, holding Kurt to my chest. Silent tears were streaming down my face as I listened to Kurt's loud and heavy sobbed. I shivered at the thought that I could've found Kurt lying here dead to the world. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

"Kurt, just tell me why you didn't tell me."

"I didn't want you to stop me." He said through his sobs, though they seemed a bit more controlled now

"Kurt, listen to me. I love you. I love you more than I love guitar, singing, musicals, the Warblers, the sun, the moon. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Kurt, you are the single most beautiful, gracious, gorgeous, compassionate and loving person I have ever met, and Kurt if you died, you would've have killed me too. You are my life Kurt, you are everything I am. I feel so ashamed that I didn't see this. I knew you were upset, but Kurt, tell me when you are upset. Tell me so I can make it feel better. Tell me so I can get you help that you need. We can't face everything alone Kurt, and you don't have to."

"B-But Blaine." He said through his tears "I don't want you to be brought down by me. I am holding you back. They tell me I'm a lady, I'm a fag, I'm a girl. You name it they called me it Blaine. And they're right. I am ugly, and fat, and a girl, and not good enough. You can do better. And they are all right Blaine. No one like me should be allowed to live."

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Look at me." I said to Kurt, as his red eyes looked into mine. Seeing them so red with pain hurt me so bad. "You are not any of those things, Kurt. You are beautiful, masculine, compassionate, loving, and perfect just the way you are. Kurt, doing this would prove they've won. And they haven't won Kurt. They never will because they will never get to experience the love that we share for each other Kurt. I love you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and through thick and through thin, I will always love you. Don't ever leave me Kurt. I should've known that you were thinking of this Kurt. I am so sorry that you have to feel this way, Kurt, but this isn't the way to end it. Kurt, I can't fix something if I don't know that it's fully broken. I wish you would've told me Kurt. "

"I'm so sorry Blaine. I am so sorry. I love you. Don't ever leave me."

With that, I leaned in to pressed my lips on Kurt's. I taste the salt of his tears in our kiss and it reminded me of the pain this poor boy had gone through. It broke my heart, watching the man that means everything to me fall so far apart.

"Kurt, we are going to fix this. I love you."

I picked myself up off of the bathroom floor, grabbing the razor Kurt had dropped and the boxes and bottles of unopened medicine around him. I disposed of them all. I turned to Kurt.

"Kurt, I'm going to call the hospital, and we're going to get you checked in. We're going to fix you Kurt. I'm not leaving your side." I said

I dialed 9-1-1 and the operator dispatched for medical crews. I sent a group text to Carole, Burt and Finn, quickly stating what had happened and telling them that Kurt was alive and an ambulance was on the way. I walked back over to Kurt and sat on the cold, hard, bloody tile and brought Kurt's head to my heart.

"We're going to fix this, Kurt." I said

"I love you Blaine."

A/N: If this gets enough hits, I might continue this. It is only meant to be a one shot, but I know where I could pick it up if people were interested. Keep on Reading!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so I was planning on making this a one shot but I CANNOT get this story out of my head. I feel like I really need to continue it. Enjoy! (: - I don't know where this is going. Might stop it after this, might not. I dunno.

(BLAINE'S POV)

I walked back into Kurt's bathroom, and he was still sitting on the floor, hugging his knees. His face was lying on his knee caps, but he lifted his head when I walked back in the bathroom.

"Kurt, there's an ambulance on the way. I'm going to be with you the whole time. It's going to be okay. Okay?"

He nodded at me, and I sadly smiled. Kurt knew I loved him, he knew that Finn and Carole and Burt had loved him too. Why did he have to feel like the world hated him? It's not fair.

"Kurt, do you think you have enough energy to move from that spot?"

"I dunno know Blaine.." he said. His words were slurred together

"Well, let's try."

Kurt tried to get up, but collapsed back down to the ground. I ran over to him to catch him so he wouldn't hit his head.

"Kurt, I'm going to carry you okay? We'll put on a new shirt for you. The one you're wearing it messy."

Kurt's shirt was more than messy; it would probably never be able to be worn again. There was blood stains splattered all over his shirt. He still had my sweater wrapped around his injured wrists. I would never be able to wear that sweater again, but I can go out and buy a new sweater. I can't go out and find and buy a new Kurt.

I picked Kurt up and carried him bridal style over to his bed and sat him on the bed with his back against the backboard. I picked out a t-shirt for him and turned back to see his face, his eyes wet with new tears.

"Why Blaine? Why do you do this to yourself? You should've gone with Sebastian. He would've made you happier. You wouldn't be doing this. You wouldn't have to be fixing me, because there would be nothing in your life to fix."

His words broke my heart. Why couldn't Kurt see everything I saw in him? Kurt was the most perfect thing that had ever walked into my life. I was crying now too, because I had taken my sweater off of Kurt's wrists and saw how deep and how bad his cuts were. I cleaned off some of the surrounding blood on the wounds and then proceeded to help Kurt put his shirt on.

"Kurt, why don't you understand that you are the best thing I've ever had in my life? I couldn't and wouldn't be happy with anyone else but you. Kurt, I love you, you make my life complete. The very first time I turned around to see you on that staircase in Dalton, I knew you were something special. When I took you on that short cut to where the Warbler's were performing, I was holding your hand because I had to feel you to make sure you were actually real. You were and are the most beautiful boy I had ever met."

Kurt's tears were racing faster down his cheeks and I leaned in to hug him. I held him tight. I was so scared to let go because if I let go, he could try and kill himself again, and I couldn't live without Kurt. Kurt released from the hug and looked at me.

"I love you Blaine."

"I love you too Kurt."

I grabbed Kurt's hands gently, and turned them over to look at his palm and his wrists. His wrists were split open. They were red and the cuts seemed really deep. Dried blood surrounded the wounds. I lifted his right wrist up to my lips and I gently planted a kiss right next to the biggest cut on his wrist. I laid a small, light, kiss next to every cut on each of his wrists, and then leaned in to kiss him on his lips. That was when I heard the door open and I saw paramedics running down the stairs into Kurt's bedroom.

"Sir, please help me. I moved Kurt to his bed, but he can't move on his own. He's too weak."

Another man descended down the stairs and walked over to Kurt and me.

"We are going to pick him up, and bring put him on the stretcher upstairs with wheels." The older paramedic told me.

I nodded and watched as he picked Kurt up and carried him upstairs. They laid him gentle upon the stretcher and strapped him in where he would be safe from any further injury.

"Sir, I need to stay with Kurt."

The younger paramedic nodded as I followed him up the stairs with Kurt on the stretcher. When the space was wide enough, I walked next to Kurt. His red, swollen eyes looked at me, and while he said nothing, his eyes spoke volumes.

"Kurt, we're going to fix this." I whispered

The paramedics lifted the stretcher into the ambulance and I followed after. I sat on the tiny padded bench next to where Kurt's stretcher was, as one paramedic shut the back doors and the other hopped into the driver's seat of the ambulance. The younger paramedic was hooking Kurt up to all of these machines, and then went to sit up in the passenger's seat.

I put my hand on Kurt's chest; right on his heart. I felt it beating slowly. He looked to me with tired, swollen eyes, and then shut them. His heart beat settled in a slower pace, but was still beating strong. His chest would contract and relax with each breath he took as he drifted into an unconscious sleep.

With Kurt asleep, I could finally let the huge amount of tears I was holding back fall. I cried in front of Kurt yes, especially when I found him, but I didn't want to cry too much. I wanted to stay strong for Kurt. I tried to keep my sobs quiet so I wouldn't stir Kurt from his peaceful sleep or distract the paramedics at the front of the ambulance. My eyes were burning with pain; I hated seeing Kurt like this. Why would anyone want to hurt someone so beautiful and smart and compassionate like Kurt? What did he ever do to hurt them?

Sniffling, I grabbed my phone from my pocket, getting a text from Burt that the family would be meeting them at the hospital. I got a text from Finn saying he told all the glee kids, and that they would be over to see Kurt when matters settled down.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot. The paramedics got out of the ambulance and opened the back door. They wheeled Kurt out of the ambulance, and I followed. This was the start to fixing Kurt. I was going to fix him if it killed me. I was going to fix him one piece at a time.


	3. Frozen

A/N: Here's chapter 3 for all of my faithful readers! Thank you so much for reading this guys, it really means a lot to me. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but it will definitely be soon. Please review!

The paramedics rushed Kurt into the emergency center doors and it was tough for me to keep up with the fast paced crew. They quickly found him a room, and the paramedics quickly but gently got Kurt from the stretcher to the hospital bed. By now he was awake, but he seemed groggy.

Two nurses then walked in and bandaged Kurt's wrists, and monitored his vitals. They told me the put him on a 72 hour watch and a doctor would stop in soon and then left. Now it was just Kurt and I.

"Mmm, these hospital gowns are so disgustin." Kurt slurred

I laughed and shook my head and the beautiful boy laying in front of me. That was the Kurt I knew. The one always making fashion comments and snarky remarks. I pulled up one of the hospital chairs to the side of Kurt's bed and gently grabbed his hand. I squeezed his hand lightly, and he very lightly squeezed back. I brought my lips to his hand and then looked back to Kurt.

"Kurt, your family will be here to see you soon." Kurt froze.

"Kurt, it's okay. They're your family. They are not going to hate you for this. They'll be upset that you didn't talk to the Kurt, but they are going to love you even more than they already have. Don't worry."

Kurt didn't say anything, and it seemed that on that cue Carole, Burt and Finn walked into the hospital room. All three of them had red rimmed eyes; I suspect those tears were fresh

"Hey there buddy." Burt said

Kurt did not reply.

"Kurt" Carole said "Honey it's just us. We love you." She said

Yet again, Kurt did not reply. Now Finn tried to get him to talk

"Kurt, if it was Karofsky, I swear I will walk out of here right now, and find him and beat his ass."

Again, Kurt didn't move. Infact, he was emotionless. My hand was still in his, and all he did was squeeze my hand. A doctor walked in

"Ah good, Kurt's family. Mr. Hummel, your son has been put on 72 hour watch and will have to remain in the hospital until this is released and the staff is certain he is stable enough to go home. His wrists are infected pretty badly, so we have some medications for him to heal that. When he is released from the hospital, he will need to see a therapist starting 5 times a week. If you need help looking for one, the hospital has a list of recommended psychiatrists. From there, they will prescribe him anti-depressants or other medications if he needs them. We'll have to see where it goes from there."

Burt nodded, and shook the doctor's hand again. The doctor than turned around and walked out of the room.

"Kurt, you know that we love you right?" Burt said in a shaky breath

Kurt did not reply

"Blaine, can I have a word with you for a minute?" He said again.

I nodded, and looked back at Kurt who was frantically looking at me, squeezing my hand harder than before

"Kurt, baby , I will be right back. I just have to go talk to your dad and your step-mom and Finn first. I promise, I will be right back."

Kurt finally released my hand and I walked out of the room with Burt, Carole and Finn. We walked down the hallway to the floor's little sitting room, away from Kurt's space so he couldn't hear us.

"Blaine, has he talked to you?" Burt asked

"Only a little bit here and there, but yes, he has talked to me. He froze when he heard you were coming to see him. Mr. Hummel, I wouldn't take it personally. I think he's worried that you'll disown him, or be ashamed of him, or be upset with him over his actions. I tried to explain before you came that you would always love him no matter what, but he didn't respond."

"How did you find him Blaine?" Burt asked

"I saw Kurt didn't seem himself this week. He never mentioned anything of this ever. I knew the bullying was going on just as much as you did, and I'd ask Kurt about it and he'd say there was no incidents. I was worried he was upset lately, so I brought over some musicals and flowers to surprise Kurt. When he didn't answer the door, I let myself in and starting shouting his name. I walked into his room looking for him when I saw a note on his desk addressed to me. I opened it and it was telling me how he had wanted this for a while and he wasn't good enough for me and that he would always love me but this was something he wanted and something that he felt he had to do. I started screaming for Kurt, and then I found him in his bathroom on the floor with boxes of medicine. He was cutting his wrists open and blood was all around him and I just didn't know what to do.." by now I was crying, and so was Burt, Carole and Finn. Carole walked over to me and gave me a huge hug. Finn sat down and buried his face in his hands. Burt didn't move. He looked upset and angry.

"Sir, I swear I didn't know that Kurt was going to do this. He had just started to slip out of being himself this week. He never told me anymore. But I don't why he never talked, sir, it was so sad and I know you think this is all my fault, I do too, but I just don't why because Kurt and I have been becoming closer everyday and.."

"Blaine, calm down. And call me Burt. Blaine, you saved my son. If you hadn't come over, we probably would've found him… dead. Blaine, I want to thank you for being here for my son. I know you love him and I know that he needs you. I don't know why Kurt won't talk to us, but he'll talk to you. Please just do what you can to make him better."

"I will die trying if I have to." I said. With that, Burt hugged me and gestured for me to go back to Kurt.

"Aren't you coming to see him too?" I asked

"He's not ready to see us yet. When he feels ready, call me or Carole or Finn. Please keep us updated on everything."

"Yes Mr. Hum… Burt."

I turned around and ran back to Kurt's room. He was sitting with his head turned in the exact same position I had left him in.

"Kurt, darling, it's me. I'm back. It's just me Blaine."

Kurt slightly turned his head. His eyes were wet with tears and his cheeks had streams that started at his eyes and worked all the way down to his chin. A new, fresh tear, was taking the same path. The previous one had.

"Kurt, they still love you. They are just worried and upset that you would try something like this. Kurt, they'd give up anything for you. Anything. They hate saying you hurt." I said, as I walked over to Kurt and planted a kiss on his forehead. When I pulled back, Kurt's eyes were still closed. He slowly fluttered them open.

"Blaine." Kurt said. I looked at him intently

"Break up with me." He said.

This absolutely broke my heart. I love Kurt so much, why would he ask me to do such a thing?

"Kurt, I don't care what you say, I am not leaving you. Today doesn't change anything about how I feel. If anything, I love you more Kurt. I love you more than I have anything in my entire life and nothing, not this, not anything in the future will change that Kurt. I see you with me fifty years from now, our children will be successful and they will be getting ready to have grandchildren. Kurt, I don't care what you do, I'm not leaving you." I said. I managed to hold my sobs back until I was done talking.

Kurt was now crying too, his tears pouring out of his eyes.

"I love you Blaine."

"I love you too Kurt, and we're going to fix this. I'm going to fix you one piece at a time. I love you more than anything."

Kurt weakly lifted his arm to gesture me over. I complied. He pulled my shirt lightly, as he moved my mouth down to his. He kissed me, his lips moving slowly on mine. I pulled away a few seconds later, but only so I could speak.

"Don't ever leave me Kurt." I whispered on his lips as I pushed them on his for another kiss.


	4. You Are The Love Of My Life, Kurt

A/N: Guys, I love waking up to my inbox full of all these emails telling me that people have favorite my story, reviewed, put me on author alert, anything. I love it, and it makes my day. I was having a terrible day until I checked my inbox this afternoon to see all of these emails of people loved my story(s). Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and favoring and.. everything. Thank you so much. This is pretty much just a filler chapter, hopefully I'll get Kurt talking more in the next chapter. I don't know the next time when I'll update; the earliest is tomorrow, the latest Friday! (: - and I apologize for all the errors; I write whatever is on my mind, and I normally don't edit them because I'm just toooooo lazy (:

I hadn't left my post beside Kurt's bed since I walked back in from the waiting area with the Hummels. I held his hand and stroked his thumb with mine lightly and watched him as he slept. I thought Kurt was the most beautiful thing in the world when he slept. His face was so peaceful, and calm, and almost happy. His porcelain face was perfect. Even though his eyelids were red, his cheeks red from running tears, and his hair a complete mess (which was a rare occurrence), Kurt looked like the most beautiful boy on the face of the Earth. It made my heart ache that Kurt couldn't see this himself. Suddenly, my phone went off.

**White Boy, what's going on with my boy?- M**

_Hi Mercedes. I came over to Kurt's house as a surprise this afternoon and I walked in to find his suicide note addressed to me, and a fragile, bleeding, depressed Kurt Hummel in the bathroom. Cedes, it was terrible. He's asleep right now, in the hospital. He's on 72 hour watch. Once he leaves the hospital he will have to go to therapists and stuff, and he's on pain medication because his cuts are infected pretty badly. He won't talk to anyone but me; not Finn, Carole, Burt, anyone. He doesn't talk to me a lot. All he said to me was "I love you Blaine, don't ever leave me, I'm sorry Blaine, I love you Blaine, Break up with me Blaine" anything like that. Cedes I don't know how much I can handle_

**Blaine, that boy loves you so much. If anyone was going to see him like that he'd want it to be you even if he won't admit it. All of New Directions know, and Dalton has been notified that you are dealing with an emergency and said with your grades, you may take off all the time you need. If the time gets extensive you might have to do some work over the summer but they said it won't be too bad considering your marks are almost flawless. So please, fix my boy Kurt. You're the only one who can. Let me know when you think it'll be safe for me to see him. ND is sending over flowers and stuff later. –M**

_Thanks Cedes. Means a lot._

I shut my phone and set it on the desk and buried my face into my hands, letting out soft sobs. I would've held it back if I knew Kurt was awake.

"I'm a terrible person."

I looked up at Kurt and saw him looking at me, his eyes tearing up yet again. He had cried way too many times today.

"Kurt, you are the best person I know.:

"I made you cry Blaine. I'm a terrible person."

"Kurt, you listen to me. You are not a terrible person because I am crying. Yes, I am crying because I am upset that you would try to do something like this to yourself but Kurt, I promise that you are not a terrible person. We all screw up."

Kurt didn't say anything, he just looked at me. I reached for his hand slowly until my hand was on his. I squeezed his fingers.

"You're beautiful, Kurt." I said, lifting his arm up slowly so I could kiss his flesh. If I hadn't decided to visit today, Kurt could've been dead by now. The thought still haunts me.

Kurt said nothing to my comments. He just sat there holding my hand. He would squeeze it everytime it looked like he felt tears coming down, and then he would calm down. I would stroke his thumb lightly and occasionally kiss the top of his hand. We sat in silence for an hour or so, exchanging nothing but these gestures to each other until Kurt finally spoke.

"Blaine, you should go home. It's getting late." Kurt said

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I am not leaving your side." He squeezed my hand and smiled for the very first time since the incident.

"You are the best boy in the whole world." He said to me

I smiled at him. I was happy to know he trusted me. Suddenly, his smiled faded.

"I don't deserve you."

"Kurt, how many times do I have to go through this?" I said barely maintaining my composure "Kurt, you deserve more than me. You deserve to have everything in your life. You deserve nothing but happiness. Kurt, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I love you more than I love life itself."

"I love you Blaine." He said, closing his eyes. I kissed his hand and then laid my head on his thigh. I wasn't leaving Kurt's side. When I concluded that Kurt was asleep, I felt it was safe for me to fall asleep.

"NO! NO DON'T TOUCH ME PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, NO PLEASE PLEASE" Kurt screamed

I woke up abruptly to see Kurt screaming in a nightmare. I shook him

"Kurt, Kurt get up, it's all a dream Kurt, get up! You're okay!"

I saw Kurt shoot his eyes open to look at me. He immediately started sobbing.

"Shhhhh, baby, I gotcha. Nothing and no one is going to hurt you. Not anyone." I told him.

"Please lay with me Blaine?" Kurt questioned in his sobs

I nodded, and Kurt scooted over so I could slip into his hospital bed right next to him. I laid on my side, wrapping my arms around Kurt.

"Baby, I promise, no one or nothing is ever going to hurt you." I hugged his back. He eventually drifted back to sleep to me humming soft and sweet lullabies in his ear. Fixing Kurt was going to take a lot more work than I thought it would, but I would work as hard as I could to get the Kurt back that I knew.

I could feel Kurt;s chest rising and lowering with his breaths. I kissed his neck and whispered something barely audible in his ear.

"You are the love of my life, Kurt."


	5. Hi, I'm Doctor Jones

A/N: Hey guys! So I kind of have no idea where I'm taking this story; I don't know how long it's going to be or anything but I plan to continue it for a while. I love this story & I hope you do too! Reviews? (: They'd be like…. Really appreciated. (:

When I woke up the next morning, I lifted my head to see Kurt looking at me. He was holding my hand, stroking my thumb; something I've done for him many times over the past day. I smiled at him, but he did not reciprocate. He looked kind of worried actually, which was surprising. I was supposed to be worrying about him.

"Blaine, go home and sleep or something. I know you don't want to be stuck here. You'll come back and visit." He said

"Kurt, I'm not going anywhere unless you're coming with me. I don't care if I'm stuck here in this room for the rest of my life." I said. I felt Kurt squeeze my hand and watched him shut his eyes. He kept them closed, squinting them shut.

"Kurt, is there something that's bothering you?" I asked

"There's a lot bothering me."

"Well, maybe you should try talking about it. Talking about it and getting it off your chest makes you feel better."

"Blaine, I'm not going to spill my guts out in front of some stranger. He has no idea about anything I've gone through."

"But he's going to make you feel better! I promise!"

"No." he answered.

"Mr. Kurt Hummel?" a young man said walking into the room. I turned to Kurt and watch him go pale. I stood up to great the young gent

"Hello Doctor, I'm Blaine Anderson. Kurt's boyfriend." He raised his eyebrow at that, and smirked.

"Hello Mr. Anderson. It's a pleasure to meet you. I specialize in working with teenagers who have are going through depression and suicidal issues. I take this case to heart, because I was informed that Mr. Hummel here has dealt with harassment issues due to his sexuality. I was assigned to this because I had the same thing happen to me. So yes, I am gay too." He said confidently

I smiled as he turned to Kurt.

"And you Mr. Hummel. It is a pleasure meeting you." The Doctor said "I am Doctor Jones. I specialize in Adolescent psychiatry, and I'm looking to help you out okay?"

Kurt said nothing. He glared a hole through the doctor and said nothing. Doctor Jones ignored this, pulling up a chair on the opposite side of Kurt's bed. He situated his clipboard on his lap and looked up to Kurt.

"Kurt, tell me a little bit about yourself. What you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, anything."

Kurt said nothing. He just stared a hole through the Doctor and squeezed my hand. The Doctor turned to me

"Mr. Anderson"

"Please, call me Blaine."

"Fine, Blaine. I know you are worried that Kurt is not talking to me, but there is nothing to worry about. I would've been more surprised if he did talk. But can I have a moment with you out in the hallway?" he asked, raising from his seat.

"Sure" I said. I looked at Kurt. He was holding squeezing my hand tight. I lifter our hands to my lips and kissed the back of his. I leaned in to Kurt's ear

"Kurt, honey, I'll be right back. I love you"

With that, he released my hand and I walked out the door with Doctor Jones. He shut the door to Kurt's room and turned to me

"Blaine has he talked to anyone yet?" Doctor Jones asked

"Well, he's talked to me a little bit. I was the one who found him trying to..well you know. So he's talked to me but that's it. His dad, step-mom and step-brother came in to see him yesterday after the accident but he wouldn't talk with them. Kurt has only told me to break up with him, to go home and rest, or to say that he loves me. He told me this morning there was a lot on his mind, so I told him that talking about it would help, but he said he wouldn't talk to 'some stranger' about his life. And he certainly isn't ready to voice over all of this to his family."

"First, it's a good thing he is talking to SOMEBODY. Even if it's a little bit. A lot of times patients won't even talk to their significant other, and they get very offended and leave. It makes the patient worse actually. I'm glad that you are still here for him."

"I don't plan on leaving him."

"Well that's what I wanted to talk to you about Blaine. Kurt is very sensitive right now. I see how much you love him and you've just met him. But if you do what I'm about to ask you to do and you leave, things could get really messy for Kurt. If you dive into this, you won't come out."

"Well I Love Kurt. I'll do anything for him. What do you need me to do?"

"Well, he won't talk to me, or his family, but he seems to talk to you. If I set up an appointment, you can take Kurt into a room a few doors down and let him spill everything to you. You don't have to be with a doctor, or anyone. It'll just be you and Kurt. He'll have to start talking with someone else eventually, but right now he just needs to get everything off of his chest and I think you are the only person who is going to manage that."

"I would be more than happen to do that Doctor Jones."

"Very well. I will set you up an appointment for 2 o clock. A nurse will bring you two to the room. I think you should get Kurt a change of clothes; it might be helpful for him. Being in hospital gowns stink, I'll tell you that." The Doctor said laughing

"I can't even imagine! Thank doc, means a lot."

"It's just my job. Blaine, I know I've known you for about 5 minutes, but I know you are good for Kurt. There's something between the two of you I don't see with many couples gay or straight. He is really blessed to have someone like you in his life, and you are going to be one of the keys to his recovery."

"I'll do anything or be anything to get Kurt to recover."

The doctor smiled. He held his hand out and I shook it. I watched him turn away and walk off down the hospital hallway

I walked back into Kurt's room to see Kurt sitting there. He starred me down as I walked back over to my bedside post. He held out his hand for me to grab it.

"Kurt, at 2 we are going to go down to a room. I'm going to have somebody bring you over some clothes and we are going to sit down in the room and talk. Just you and me. No nurses, no doctors, no Burt, Carole, or Finn. Just you and me. And we are going to talk about everything and anything. Okay Kurt? You know you can trust me."

"Blaine?" he asked

"Yes?"

" I love you."

"Kurt, I love you too. More than you know. And I promise you, we're going to get through this. Now in the time being, we should pop something in the DVD player over there. Moulin Rouge?" I said as Kurt smiled

"You know me so well." He said

I popped the movie in and it didn't take long for the plot to capture Kurt. I took out my phone and texted Burt

** Hi Burt, it's Blaine. I wanted to let you know that a psychiatrist came in to talk to Kurt this morning, but he wouldn't speak to them. The Doctor said he saw the chemistry between Kurt and I, and they are putting us in a room this afternoon for a couple hours to try and get Kurt to talk. They think once he gets everything off of his chest he will start talking to other people. – Blaine**

_ Hi Blaine. Good, I hope this works. Do you boys need anything? – Burt_

**Actually, yes if you don't mind? I need a change of clothes for Kurt… and possibly just a t-shirt or something for me. I have a drawer by his dresser with some clothes in it for me. And could you possibly bring over my phone charger? I don't want my phone to die if there's an emergency.**

_Sure, be over in 30.-Burt_

**Thank you so much.- Blaine**

_No Blaine, thank you._

"who you talking to?" Kurt asked as I peeled my eyes away from my phone screen.

"I was talking to Burt. He is bringing over some clothes for us." I said. As soon as I said Burt, his face froze.

"Kurt, you don't have to be afraid of your dad. He loves you." I said. Kurt did not respond. I grabbed Kurt's hand and held it to my heart. I smiled warmly at the beautiful man in front of me. It amazed me he could still look so beautiful at his worst.

"Kurt" I said "Even at your worst, you look beautiful. You are the most beautiful boy I've ever seen."

Kurt smiled. I leaned over to kiss him on his lips. I felt the way Kurt's dry lips moved on mine, and in that moment I forgot we were in a hospital. I forgot that Kurt was on 72 hour watch and wouldn't talk to anyone but me. I forgot that at this time yesterday, I could've walked in on Kurt dead. All I remembered was Kurt being the most amazing and beautiful boy I have ever seen in my entire life and how even after one million of his kisses, each one would still feel like the first. I pulled away from Kurt ad he looked at me. His smile was the brightest I had seen since the incident.

"Thank you Blaine." He said

A/N: The next chapter will be very angsty; Kurt will be spilling all of his secrets over to Blaine. Have any suggestions for the story? Anything you'd like me to write that does not have to deal with this story? Let me know! I'm always looking for prompts to write. REVIEW PLEASE! (:


	6. Skyscraper

Before the both of us knew us, Kurt and I were headed to the fourth floor of the hospital for our scheduled "talk." I didn't really know what to think of this. I didn't know if it would help or hurt Kurt; if it would bring us closer or bring us farther apart; make or break us. All of that on the line unnerved me, but I know I would never leave Kurt. And I don't think Kurt could leave me right now.

I held Kurt's hand as we walked over to a desk on the fourth floor of this dreaded hospital. There was a lady in simple blue scrubs sitting behind the desk.

"Hello ma'am." I said, getting the young woman's attention. I continued "There was an appointment set up for Kurt at 2 this afternoon here?" I asked

The woman clicked a few times on her computer and then nodded. She rose from her spot at the desk

"Follow me please." She said

We walked down a long hallway where we entered a cozy but small room on the right side of the hallway. The room was bright for a hospital; there were two red chairs in the room facing one another. Each one had a coffee table near it. There was a window off to the side of the room where a tall lamp stood on one side and a huge plant on the other. It was cozy, but there was no denying is was a room for the usage of a patient.

"Mr. Hummel, you may have a seat in here, but I need to speak to the other gentlemen outside before you guys begin." The woman said. I nodded and followed her out of the room, where she closed the door and turned to me. She almost whispered

"I didn't catch your name?" she questioned

"Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

"Alright, very well Blaine Anderson. I'm Nurse Angela Blackwell. I will be on duty today while you and Mr. Hummel are having your appointment. This appointment is the beginning of what is going to be a hard and slow recovery for him. The doctors have informed that you are the only one he will speak to. Doctor Jones also told me that he trusts you very much, and hopefully this will prove so. The object here is to get Kurt to talk some about the incident. How he feels; what caused him to do it; all of that stuff. Getting it off of his chest will almost lift an anvil off of his shoulders. It is very likely that Kurt will get upset, angry, or throw random emotions at you. If things get out of hand, there is a red button by the door; you may press it and I will come in and try to calm him down. We hope for that not to happen, but it likely possible since Mr. Hummel is in a very fragile state. When you enter the room, make sure you lock the door. All information that is told to you in that room is confidential, and you are to keep it that way unless at the consent of the patient. The only exception to the rule is if the patient himself or anyone else is in danger, then you are immediately report it to either me or Doctor Jones. Do you have any questions?" she said

I nodded my head at that; she seemed to answer all of my questions in one take.

"Very well than Mr. Anderson, you may head on in now. Doctor Jones appointed you an hour, but if all is going well, it is perfectly acceptable to stay longer." She said

"Thank you very much Mrs. Blackwell."

"Good luck" she said

With that I put on a small smile and walked into the room, ready to face the man I loved; the man that was broken.

I sat down in only unoccupied chair in the room; Kurt was reserved in the other one. He was sitting to the side staring blankly outside.

"I really miss it out there." He finally said

"I know you do. You'll be out of here soon enough." I answered softly.

"Blaine, I don't know if you can tell you anything." Kurt said

"Why?" I asked

Kurt looked at me. I watched his heart break in his eyes.

"Because then you won't love me anymore." He said through his waivered breath. His eyes were now wet with tears. Just another tears of the thousands he had cried since the incident. You think I'd adjust to the constant tears, but every time I saw Kurt cry it hurt worse in side. I sat on the edge of my chair and grabbed Kurt's hand.

"Kurt, look at me." I said. I gently put my finger under his chin and lifted his head up to face me. I stared into his eyes and his into mine

"I will always love you. This incident changes nothing about my feelings for you. I gave you everything Kurt. I gave you my heart. I gave you my first kiss. I gave you my virginity. I gave you every part of me. There are things I shared with you I will never be able to share with anyone else Kurt. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else. Do you know what Dr. Jones said to me out in the hallway today? He said that if I was going to agree to talk to you here today, I would have to commit to you for a long time. And Kurt I didn't think twice because I swear I love you more than I even love myself sometimes. You are my life, my love." I said

I watched Kurt the entire time that I spoke. I watched his tears build in his beautiful eyes and slowly begin to drip down his cheek. Each one took a unique path down his flawless cheek and would fall off at the bottom of his jaw. For the first time since the incident, however, Kurt had a genuine smile on his face. His beautiful eyes may have been crying but they glistened with love.

"I love you Blaine."

"I love you too Kurt. And that's why we're going to talk about some of this stuff today. Nothing you say today is going to leave this room, and nothing you say is going to make me love you any less than I do already. If anything, it'll make me love you even more because it'll just prove how brave and how courageous you are."

Kurt smiled again, but it quickly faded.

"Blaine, my actions were not courageous or brave. We both know that."

"Your actions do not define who you are Kurt. We all lose our way sometimes; some more than others, but we all lose our way. This does not make you a coward. Far from it."

Kurt bent his head down again, and then picked it back up to look to the window

"Kurt?"

"Yes?" he questioned, not turning away from the window

"Why did you try to do it? I remember getting the…. The note. The note I found on your desk. Kurt, it broke my heart."

"Nobody cared if I was alive or dead Blaine! You know that. All the hate Blaine… they wish death on me. I didn't care to be alive either." He said coldly.

How could Kurt think nobody cared? He had to know I cared. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anything. And he knew his father and Carole and Finn and all of the Warblers and all of the New Directions cared about him. Why couldn't he see this?

"Kurt, how could you say that?" I said, my heart breaking with each word. "I love you, your father loves you, Carole loves you, Finn loves you, the Warblers and New Directions love you. Hell, Nick would've been devastated. We would've had to live with Madonna on repeat for weeks!" Kurt giggled at that

"They all love you more than you could ever know. Do you what this picture could be like if that incident played out differently? I, along with all of those people I just mentioned, would be bawling, mourning over what we lost. We would be blaming this all on ourselves Kurt, asking ourselves what we ever did wrong. We'd be left with no answers."

By now, Kurt was full out bawling. I slid him over in his chair and sat next to him. I pulled him into my chest as he cried. I could feel his whole body shaking. I rubbed circles on his back and would press gentle kisses on the top of his head.

"N-now I feel so a-ashamed." Kurt sobbed

"Kurt, you should never have to feel ashamed of this." I said comforting. I squeezed the hand that I was still holding, and with this gesture he looked up to me

"Why shouldn't I be?" Kurt sobbed

"Kurt, look at everything that has happened to you. Everything that has ever tried to break you down. Kurt, you are a skyscraper. This might have torn you down, but you will be reaching high in the sky some day. Even soon. Kurt, I promise you that you are going to be okay."

"Blaine?"

"Kurt?"

"Sing to me."

"Sing to you?"

"Yes."

"Anything?"

"Anything." He confirmed

_Skies are crying, I am watching  
Catching tear drops in my hands  
Only silence as it's ending  
Like we never had a chance  
Do you have to make me feel like  
There's nothing left of me?_

You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears, I awaken  
And untangle you from me  
Would it make you feel better  
To watch me while I bleed?  
All my windows still are broken  
But I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper

Go run, run, run  
I'm gonna stay right here,  
Watch you disappear  
Yeah, oh  
Go run, run, run  
Yeah, it's a long way down  
But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Oh Oh  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper

(Like a skyscraper)

Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper 

Kurt was crying very hard by the time I finished the acapella version of the Demi Lovato tune, and I couldn't help but join in.

"What did I do to deserve any of this Blaine?" he sobbed

"Kurt, you don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this." I cried. He sat and hugged each other in silence, just being there for one another. Friend to friend. Lover to lover.

"Kurt" I whispered

"Kurt, I want you to be able to trust me. I want you to be able to tell me everything that lead up to this. To the want to do what was almost done. And you don't have to say it all at once. We'll take as long as we need to get this story out. But you need to tell someone Kurt. If you keep it bottled up inside, this could happen again. And I know you don't want that. Kurt, we're going to get through this. Okay?" I said, sniffling

"Yes Blaine."

"Are you ready to leave for today?" Blaine asked

"Yes."

"Okay." I said, standing up to walk over to the red button.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered

"yes?"

And with a whisper, barely audible, Kurt said "I'm glad I'm alive."

A/N": So things are starting to look up for our Klaine, isn't it? Kurt is going to start and get better, but what's in store for Blaine? Is this all just way too much for him? Stay posted for what happens next. (: R&R


	7. Courage, Kurt

A/N: So I feel realllllly reallllly bad about not updating this in a while; I've been running around like a madman lately; it's May, so I have marching/jazz/concert band rehearsals, choir rehearsals, exams and on top of that, I've had migraines, loads of projects and stress. If I had time to write, I would've and I feel so bad for makin' y'all wait. So here, I bring you chapter 7 (: Review, read, anything. (:

I held Kurt's hand as I pressed the button that would get a nurse to get us out of here. We would walk back up to the hospital room and relax a little bit; being periodically checked on by doctors. The nurse came and opened the door to the room. She let us follow her back to her front desk. She typed in a couple things on her computer and then looked to us.

"Alright boys, before we send you back to your room, you're both going to walk in a room off to my right and see Doctor Jones. He's just going to ask you a few questions. He is ready for you, so you may go in at any time."

I looked to Kurt. I know that he hadn't talked to anyone besides me since the incident, and they were going to try and get him to talk to the Doctor. I pulled Kurt away from the desk and whispered to him.

"Kurt, you can do this. Doctor Jones is trying to help us. He's going to make you better. You won't ever have to feel like you've had to. Do you think you can try and talk to him? You don't have to tell him anything about the incident yet if you're not comfortable, but promise me you'll try talking to him?" I said. I saw his red tears again, welding in his eyes

"I don't know if I can Blaine." He said, his breath wavering

"Kurt, have courage. I will be right next to you the whole time. I promise you can do this. Now c'mon, let's go." I said

I latched on to Kurt's hand and we walked on to where Doctor Jones was, but before we could get there, the Nurse stopped us.

"Mr. Hummel and Mr. Anderson?" she called

We spun around

"I know I don't know you that well, but I think you guys are the most beautiful couple I've ever seen. Even cuter than my husband and I; and thought I'm biased, I'd say we're pretty cute." She smiled "But boys, you could teach a lot of couples about love." She said

Kurt smiled at her, blushing slightly. He looked to me and smiled. He turned back to the nurse to croak out his first words to another person.

"Thank you." He said quietly, still smiling. I could feel him squeezing my hand, so I squeezed back. I lifted his hand up my lips and kissed it softly.

We walked along down the hallway where we came by the room we were supposed to enter. Before we went in, I stopped Kurt. I pulled him in front of me.

"I am so proud of you Kurt. I have never been more proud to call you mine than I have now. And I promise you I am going to be here the whole way, no matter what happens. Kurt, you are the love of my life. And someday in the future, we're going to be spending the rest of our lives together." I said

Kurt smiled, his eyes glistening with what I believed was hope and love. He brought me in for a hug. I loved hugging Kurt; I could always feel his warm breath rolling down my back. I felt his chest vibrate as he spoke.

"Thank you for saving me Blaine." He said softly

"Kurt, if I had to, I would do it all over again. I'd do anything for you."

With that, we released from the hug. I held my hand out for Kurt, which he took, and we walked into the room awaiting Doctor Jones.

The room was a lot bigger than the last one we were in. It was definitely a conference room; there were whiteboards on the wall, a screen with a projector, and a small window off to the right. There was a huge table, a long oval shape that took up most of the room. Opposite of us sitting at the table was Doctor Jones. He had flies spread out all over table, and his brow was furrowed in confusion behind his glasses. He looked up to us from his spot, and he smiled. He stood up, straightening out his work coat and held out his hand

"Good afternoon Kurt and Blaine" he said as I took his hand and shook it. He held his hand out to Kurt for a shake and I help my breath. One of Kurt's hands was comfortably occupied in mine, so I squeeze it. I thought courage, and I hope Kurt knew that was want I was trying to tell him. He slowly took the Doctor's hand and shook it. I let out my breath and squeeze his opposite hand again. I looked to him and beamed a smile of pride at my brave, courageous boyfriend.

"Well that right there shows loads of progress!" the Doctor exclaimed, looking thoroughly impressed. He gestured for us to have a seat across from him, so we did. We got comfortable and reconnected our hands under the table

"Kurt, the reason I wanted you to go to this appointment was to help get some of those feelings out in the open that you haven't before. Talking about certain issues with someone you trust can really relax your conscience and your nerves. Blaine was more than willing to be this outlet for you. I want you to know that everything you have told Blaine will be kept confidential by Blaine under law. He is aware of this. Now, before I can assess the future of the next couple days I need to ask; Blaine how did it go?"

"Honestly, I thought it went great. Kurt really opened up and accessed his pain, and I think talking it out put him at ease. I know there is still so much more to talk about, but this is a start."

"Kurt, how do you feel this went?" the Doctor asked. I squeezed Kurt's hand and let my eyes glide over to his face. His eyes shimmered of worry and fear. I squeezed his hand and mouthed "courage". He took a deep breath and spoke to the doctor.

"I trust Blaine with everything. I felt more comfortable talking to him about my problems than I would with anyone else. He's the only one I feel comfortable talking to right now about that kind of thing." Kurt said quietly

I squeezed Kurt's hand and rubbed my thumb over his. I was so proud.

"That's great Kurt, I'm glad you think that this went well. How did you feel after the appointment?"

"I felt pretty drained." He said "But it was a good kind of drained. I felt like a little bit of weight was lifted off my shoulders."

"Kurt, that's great. Fantastic. For your first full day here, you are making fantastic progress. Most people don't talk during these confrontations." The Doctor stated

"I think, as a psychiatrist, that having family relations and connections during such a hard time helps so much more than just sitting with a therapist or not talking really at all. This is the first step, Kurt. This isn't going to be easy; and I think you boys have that figured out. But it is possible to make it through. Just know you're not alone, Kurt." The Doctor said

Not alone… he was not alone. That was so true. He wasn't alone, I wasn't alone. I wished I had known that years ago.

"Now here's how I think the next few days are going to plan out. We still have Kurt on 72 hour watch, and that will remain so just for safety precautions. If all goes well in the remaining time on that watch, he should be able to be released. For the next two days, however, I would like you boys to come down and do this therapy. This seems to be working well. Now, I can't replace this with a therapist, however. We can talk about that in a few days when hopefully, you are having your released signed." The Doctor said

"You boys are free to go." He added

"Thank you so much Doctor, for your time and valiant efforts. I can't thank you enough" I said. I couldn't thank anyone enough for helping to piece Kurt back together.

"Thank you for helping Doctor" Kurt said. I smiled at him proudly

"You're very welcome boys. Head back on up to your room."

Doctor Jones walked out of the conference room, to leave us alone. I turned to Kurt.

"Kurt, I am so proud of you today. I was proud of you when you stood up to Karofsky, and I was proud of you when we sang at regionals together, but this is the proud I have ever been of you. You are brave, beautiful and courageous Kurt. And we're going to make it through this. You know, we're not alone. I promise you, we're going get through this, one step at a time."

"I love you Blaine."

"I love you too, Kurt." I said. I leaned in for a quick, but sweet kiss; pulling away with a smile.

"Kurt, there is something else we have to focus on now. You're parents and Finn and friends have not stopped worrying about you. Do you think you're ready to face them?" I said

I watched Kurt's eyes change from happy to scared. His smile turned into a frown and he looked at me

"I don't know if I can Blaine."

"Kurt, they are you're family. They love you, and they are just as proud of you as I am. They want to help you. And Doctor Jones is right, building great relationships now is crucial. Do you think you'd be okay if they visited?" I asked hesitantly.

"I don't know Blaine… I really don't. But I can try."

"That's my brave, courageous, boyfriend. I'm so proud to be with you Kurt. I can't imagine my life without you." I said

Next Chapter: Kurt's family comes to visit, and this proves to be a challenge. Also, in the near future, Blaine will be letting us know about HIS past struggles.

I hope I will be writing this very soon! Unfortunately, no promises ): I hope to have it up by the end of the weekend. But again, no guarantees.

Thank you all for reading! (:

Any suggestions for this story? Let me know!


	8. We're Not Invinicible We're Human

A/N: FINALLY! I got chapter 8 done guys. YAY! (: So, I'm kind of starting to get bored with this story; I kind of feel like I'm dragging my feet. I think I have an idea that could make this really interesting, but ideas are always awesome. And reviews are too; whenever I open my inbox and see a review alert, I get really nervous and then I open the email and I end up with a smile on my face. Thank you so much for reading, review, hell, just clicking on the link to this story. (:

_Hey Blaine, Carole, Finn and pulling into the hospital parking lot. Do you think he will be open to talking with us this time?- Burt_

_** I think it'll be better than last time, but I don't know how it's going to go over. Meet me on the floor lobby and I'll fill you in on everything.- Blaine**_

_ Thank you Blaine. – Burt_

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and looked to Kurt.

"Kurt, I'll be right back okay?"

"Ok." He said, barely audible

I planted a quick kiss on Kurt's forehead and walked out of the hospital room. I walked down the long hallway and soon approached the floor lobby. There, I saw Burt, Carole and Finn walking out of one of the elevators. All three of them looked exhausted; Finn's face was pale and Burt and Carole has red rimmed eyes. The sight broke my heart.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Hummel. And hello to you Finn." I said hugging all three of them

"Blaine, how's Kurt?" Burt asked solemnly

"Well, Doctor Jones set up this new kind of therapy for Kurt. He observed that Kurt felt comfortable telling me everything, so basically he had Kurt sit down in a room with me and I was to listen and give support. The Doctor thinks that everything Kurt has been facing; whatever those things may be; have been bottled up for too long and that's what caused Kurt to break. He talked to the Doctor and nursing staff for the first time just a few hours ago. He's nervous about facing all of you. He feels he has disappointed you. And that kills him." I said

"But why would we ever be disappointed in Kurt?" Finn asked

"He's ashamed of what he tried to do, Finn. Let's just leave it at that." I told the rest of the family.

"Try to be very light if you bring up that topic of the incident at all. You have to be very careful with what you say. He is still so sensitive, and if he hears something that might make him feel bad, he might go mute again. I'll lead you down his room now, but wait until I call you in. I'll need a moment to talk with him. Is that okay?" Burt and company nodded. I smiled sadly and gestured for them to follow me down the hallway

"Okay, I'm going to go in now and have a word with Kurt. I'll call you in when he's ready." I said

I opened the door just a crack to slip myself in. I looked at Kurt, lying in his hospital bed. He turned to me and let a light smile form on his lips. I walked back over to my chair which has been by his bed side since the day of the incident. He gave me his hand as I sat down, and I squeezed it.

"Kurt, I have something to tell you." Blaine nodded

A look of panic formed on his face. I squeezed in his hand in reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

"Kurt, your family is outside the door. They want to see you. Kurt, they are so worried about you."

"No." he answered. A simple no.

"What?"

"No. I can't do it."

"Why not?" I asked sympathetically

"They'll hate me. They'll be so ashamed."

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel." I said firmly but lovingly as I laced Kurt's fingers in between mine. The tears welding in his eyes broke my heart in two.

"I promise you, your family is not ashamed. They love you. They love you so much Kurt. And you don't think so now, Kurt, but they are proud of you. You are something that world doesn't except; we both are. And you still get out of bed every morning and you are still YOU, Kurt. And over the past few weeks, things got rough for you. We're not invincible Kurt, we're human. And humans have feelings and emotions, and the unnecessary hatred you received broke you down. You've been fighting your whole life, and you snapped. That's nothing to be ashamed of. You want to know why? Because even though you're in a low place right now, you're still alive. You are getting back up on your feet slowly but surely. And there is NOTHING braver, than that. Your family is so proud of you Kurt. They love you, just like I do." I said. Kurt was in full blown tears. I let go of his hand to gently wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Kurt, I am always going to do my best to make sure you don't have to cry. I wish you never had to cry; it's not fair seeing you hurt. But we live in a terrible terribly world Kurt. And I promise you, when you do cry, I am going to be here to wipe away the tears. And so are Burt and Carole and Finn. There are so many people who love you so much Kurt. So much." I added, me now crying too.

"Blaine?"

"Yes?"

"How do you always know the perfect thing to say?" he asked

I smiled. I stood up from my chair and planted a kiss on Kurt's lips. I released, keeping my face just a few inches from Kurt's face.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I always say the perfect thing because I have the perfect person listening?" I said, leaning in for another quick kiss. I pulled completely away from Kurt, grabbing his hand once more.

"Kurt, your family is still here. Are you ready?" I asked

He nodded. I leaned in to plant a kiss on Kurt's forehead and I released his hand, walking over to the door.

"Burt, Carole, Finn. You can come in." I said, gesturing everyone in the room

I saw Kurt's face turn pale as one by one everyone entered the room. First Carole, then Finn, and then Burt. Carole walked over to him, planting a light kiss on his forehead, Finn smiled sympathetically and Burt took the seat I had been sitting in just moments before.

"Hey Kurt." He choked out. He reached out for Kurt's hand. I smiled when Kurt took it. Carole and Finn were sitting on two plastic chairs across from Kurt's bed and I pulled up a new chair on the opposite side of Kurt.

"H-hi." Kurt stuttered out, barely audible.

I smiled at Kurt's courage; I know how hard this was for him.

"How are you doing kid?" He asked

Kurt just stared at him. He said nothing. Burt turned to me in worry. I tried my best without words to tell him this is perfectly normal. I stood up from my chair and leaned to Kurt's ear.

"Courage." I whispered. Kurt turned to me and smiled. Courage. One simple word that flooded back so many great memories between us. I sat back down in my chair and Kurt refocused his attention on his father.

"I am okay." He whispered out

"Kurt, every person in this room is going to love you forever. No matter what mistakes we all make, the pain and happiness we go through…. We are always going to be here for each other. And I'm so proud of you Kurt. I'm proud and blessed that I am the proud dad of the brave son." Burt said, trying to hold back tears.

"I love you Dad." He whispered.

I smiled the biggest smiled I had in a long time when I heard those words. I knew from here, Kurt was going to be okay. I knew that Kurt was going to make it. It was going to be tough; there would be ups and downs, but he would make it through.

Burt was hugging Kurt now, everyone in the room in tears. The difference between today and the day of the incident, however, was that today, there were tears of happiness. Kurt was alive. He was talking again, even if it was only little. We were still together. Still happy. And from now on, that's all we were going to be, right?

Post A/N: I have huge plans for Blaine in the next chapter. HUGE. PLANS. Gah, I'm so excited! I really want to write the next chapter, but I need to study for finals. :( …. I think the next chapter will be up soon. Thank you so much for reading this! - we've still got a while on our journey to go. I hope you are all enjoying!

At this time, I would like to acknowledge all the people who have ever gone through something like this. If you are thinking of suicide, cutting, ANYTHING, please, get help. You ARE loved, even if you don't think it's so. Feeling that way, or doing those things isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you've been fighting for too long. Getting help is the bravest thing a person can do.

And that is for my public service announcement.

New chapter in the near future!


	9. Nightmare

A/N: You have no idea how bad I've wanted to write this all day… but again, stupid finals. I really don't think I need the Missouri Compromise and Kansas-Nebraska Act to live my life, but, gotta do whatcha gotta do I suppose. Okay, so I have a feeling some of you are going to hate me for this… I'm going to hate myself for this…. But I really want to do this. Kurt can't be the only one with problems (like we don't have enough angst.)

At about 3 Pm, the Hudmels had left and Kurt and I were alone again. As soon as the door shut, Kurt was in tears. I wiped away each one as it fell, not pushing Kurt to tell me what was wrong. I knew he would open up when he needed to. And he had already opened up so much today.

"I just don't get it." He finally said, looking at me with bloodshot, red rimmed eyes. They broke my heart every time I saw them. No one should ever have to be in this much pain.

"What don't you understand baby?" I asked

"I have so many people who love me." He said, another tear flickering from his eye. I wiped it away along with the hundreds I already had.

"Of course you do Kurt, you are the most amazing person I know." I said, reaching for Kurt's hand. He pushed it away, and I felt my heart sink. We had come so far, he can't put up these walls again.

"No." He answered simply. Just a simple no.

"What?"

"I'm not amazing. I am what they tell me I am. I'm a 'faggy little girl'. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I talk like Mickey Mouse on helium. That's not anything amazing. I don't deserve people to love me. And it hurts me Blaine, because I don't deserve them. I don't deserve YOU."

"Kurt, firstly, you are none of those things. You have taught me the most how to be a man. You've taught me how to be courageous like a man, brave like a man. Your body is perfect. Your face is like that of an angel's; you know that was my first thought about you? My first impression? That you looked like an angel sent from heaven above? That's how beautiful you are. And you're voice is one of the best things about you Kurt. You sing like a dream. You are a star. You are talented. You are a genius. And you have been kicked to the ground so many times, and you just keep standing back up. Only someone strong can do something like that. You are the person MOST deserving of a loving family and boyfriend."

"I am not strong. I tried to fucking kill myself Blaine! That's WEAK. That's SHAMEFUL." Kurt said, his voice rising in tone.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. You are not weak. Trying to commit suicide is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you have been fighting this ferocious fight for too long. You're strong for holding up this long on your own. But you can't fight this fight alone anymore. Get help is not weak. Even now, Kurt, you are the strongest person I know. And I love you more and more every day. You don't know how PROUD I am of you Kurt. You're starting to open up to people; you talked with your family today. You are getting better each and every second. And this isn't going to be easy. There's going to be days where life just SUCKS. But we've got each other. We've got Burt and Carole and Finn. We have New Directions and The Warblers. And most importantly, we've got strength. We've got courage. And we're going to get through this." I said.

I was in tears now. My Kurt should never, EVER, have to go through all of this pain. How could he think he's fat and ugly and untalented? He's the opposite of it. He's beautiful, amazing, and talented. What hurt the worst is that no matter how many times I tell him, he doesn't believe me.

Kurt reached his hand out to my face, and wiped away my tears. I looked at his red rimmed eyes which were smiling at me.

"I love you." He said simply.

"I love you. More than you'll ever know. Kurt, you are strong. You are stronger than anyone I know, including myself. And we're going to get through this." I said. I laid my hand faced up on his bed, inviting him to grab it. And he did. He laced his fingers between mine, and squeezed my palm as we both lay there in silence. We both slowly closed our eyes and drifted off into sleep, my brain frantic about Kurt's comments of self-hatred.

"All faggots are pathetic, but you are the queen of them. Even the girliest of fags wouldn't love you because you're PATHETIC. I have a pathetic ugly cocksucker for a son." And then, in my father's rage, he slapped me across the face, and beat me until I couldn't move. He beat me just short of hospital bound, and he walked away with mom. They'd both go off to bed, and leave me on the ground, bleeding and in pain.

I was somehow instantly in the school now. The kids at school were no different from my parents. I walked up to my locker and saw "cocksucker" written down the side. I opened it up to see all of my book covers had FAG written on them in black sharpie. My notebooks had variations of fat, ugly, and stupid written on them. I grabbed what I needed, trying hard to ignore the comments and shut my locker. I walked down the hallways and a jock knocked my books out of my hand and called me a fag before turning away with a laugh.

I then was sitting at the dinner table with my family in silence. I had a plate full of potatoes, green beans, steak, and carrots. I stuffed a spoon full of potatoes down with the steak and mixed the green beans and carrots together as I shoved them quickly in my mouth. I excused myself from the table after my plate was clean, and ran to my bathroom upstairs. I locked the door behind me, and walked over to the toilet. I opened the lid and knelt down on the ground. I stuck my fingers back in my throat, and let myself vomit. I let everything leave my body, and flushed it down the toilet. No calories, no fat. No fat, no insults on that part of me. I just didn't want to be ugly anymore.

I walked over to the scale and stepped on. _100 _it read. _One hundred pounds? I'm still so fat! I'm going to have to start puking up every other day. Yeah, that will help. And let's bump up the hour at the gym to an hour and a half._ I turned to the full length mirror and stared for a moment before stripping down to only my boxers. I grabbed a black marker from one of the bathroom drawer. My normally tan skin was covered in purple and yellow bruises, and cuts galore. I uncapped the marker and began to write on myself. **FAT **was written across my stomach. **STUPID** was written across my forehead.** FAG** was written on my heart, and across from it was **UNLOVED**. **CUTTER** was written on my left wrist. **THUNDER **was written on one thigh and **THIGHS **was written on my other. **WEAK **was written on both of my arms. _I don't deserve to live_.

My eyes shot open, and I looked to see I was in a hospital room. Kurt was lying in his bed, peacefully asleep. I felt a bead of sweat roll down from my forehead. _Why was this all coming back to me now?_ I had been doing so well. I had been feeling so great.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and glanced at the time. It read 6:30 PM. I heard my stomach growl, and had just realized I hadn't eaten all day. I looked down at my body, still mentally picturing all the words that were once written on my skin. Missing one more meal wouldn't do any harm. I laid back in my chair and closed my eyes once more.

A/N: I know, I'm evil. POOR BLAINE. /3 Okay, I need to go write something fluffy now to cheer me up.

If you have an eating disorder, or know someone who does, PLEASE. Get help. It's more serious than you think. Eating Disorders are a serious issue, and just "eating again" isn't going to make it go away. Getting help is the bravest thing a person can do.


	10. These Scars Might Fade

A/N: Alright, so here starts a new journey in this story….. it will be interesting. (: Enjoy! This is kind of a filler chapter; hopefully, a lot of it will be Blaine's thoughts.

"Blaine? Blaine?" I heard my name being called. I fluttered my eyes open to see Kurt. Right, Kurt. We were in a hospital, because Kurt tried to take his life.

"Jesus, Blaine. Normally you look so peaceful when you sleep, but now, you were just… sad. You looked sad. Is everything okay?" Kurt asked

Kurt knew me too well. But I wasn't about to bring this upon him; what kind of boyfriend would that make me? Telling Kurt I am a recovering bulimic while he's lying in a hospital bed? He doesn't need anything to worry about; nothing at all. He needs to focus on himself right now

"I'm fine, I must've just been having a bad dream." I said, knowing that the understatement I just made was a huge one.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asked, whispering

"Kurt, we need to focus on you right now, alright? Not me. It was just a stupid dream." I snapped. I immediately regretted it.

"Oh." Kurt said. Oh. That's it.

"Kurt, I'm really sorry, I really am. I'm just really tired." I said shaking my head

"Don't worry about it. Get some sleep" Kurt said

"No time. We have to go to Doctor Jones' thingy talk thing."

"Blaine, it's four AM. The appointment is at 1 PM. Get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning." Kurt whispered.

"If it's four AM, what are you doing up Kurt?" I asked, worried

"Just thinking." He responded

"About what?"

"Blaine, save it for the appointment. Get some sleep, I love you."

"I love you too."

I repositioned myself on the uncomfortable hospital room couch. The nurses tried to make me leave, but I told them I wouldn't. I told them I would never leave Kurt, and that he would be devastated if I left, so I wouldn't. They were hesitant but fortunately they let me stay. I shut my eyes, drifting off into dream land for a few more hours.

I fluttered my eyes open; letting them burn at the sensation of daylight. I stretched my back and cracked my neck on both sides before sitting up. I rubbed my eyes once more and turned to Kurt who was lying on his bed. His eyes were open, staring at the TV. He must've heard me move, because his eyes turned from the screen to me, a smile slowly forming on his face.

"Good morning beautiful." I said to him, rising from the couch to kiss my boyfriend good morning. I felt his eye lashes flutter on my cheek bones as I kissed his sweet lips. I pulled away, and he smiled back up at me. I sat down at my chair that was stationary at his bed post, and grabbed his hand. I rested our conjoined hands on his thigh; my thumb stroking the side of his hand slowly.

"Good morning." Kurt finally said. "The nurse already brought me breakfast, you should go get some for yourself. I don't recall you eating much since we've been here." I internally panicked. What if Kurt already knew? What if he hated me because of my past? What if he thinks it gross and unattractive? _Phew. Blaine. Keep your cool. You've done this before. _

"It's fine Kurt, I actually was up at 6 and I got something from the cafeteria." I said coolly. _Smooth move Anderson._

"Oh alright." Kurt said with a smile, squeezing my hand.

"Are you ready for today?" I asked nervously. We had another private conference therapy again, today, and we'd be going in farther deep than last time.

"I don't think I will ever be ready. But let's not talk about it. I don't want to." Kurt said coldly.

"We won't as long as you open up later. If you do well today, they might let you go home soon."

Kurt opened his mouth to answer when we heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I yelled. The door opened and Finn was standing at the door. Kurt froze. I knew he was worried about the last confrontation, but he seemed to have opened up. Finn closed the door behind him and awkwardly walked in. He pulled up another chair next to me, at the foot of Kurt's bed.

"Hi Kurt." He said quietly. I squeezed Kurt's hand and looked to him. He gave me a worried look. I mouthed _courage._ He turned back to Finn.

"Hi." He said quietly. I watched Finn's face light up. It was amazing how the smallest interaction he had with Kurt made him so happy. He didn't understand the least bit what was going on, but I knew he knew that Kurt was scared; Kurt was ashamed. And we both knew he had nothing to be ashamed of.

"Kurt, I miss you at home." Finn said

"I miss it too." Kurt responded a few seconds after.

"Kurt, I stopped by today because I miss you. I don't remember the last time I had been around you when you were happy, and you were always kind of cool when you were happy, I guess. Then, things went downhill, and I didn't stick up for you like I should've. And I should've, Kurt, I really really should've. And then we became brothers, and you went to Dalton and you met Blaine. Blaine made your whole life light up again. He made all of our lives light up because he made you light up. And then I don't know what happened Kurt, I really don't. You were still with Blaine, but you weren't so happy any more. Especially when you moved back to McKinley. And then prom came, and you got even worse, Kurt. And the whole summer went by and I KNEW something was wrong, I KNEW. And I did nothing. I did nothing to help you, again. I'm supposed to be your brother Kurt, and look what almost happened! Look where we are now! I could've done something Kurt, and this wouldn't even be an issue right now. And I just… I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself for what could've happened." Finn said. I watched a tear fall from his eye; I knew Finn was speaking from the heart.

"Finn Hudson." Kurt said, quietly, but firm.

"What I almost did was NOT your fault. By no means was it. That was my decision. You've been a great brother, Finn. Please, stop worrying. You have nothing to worry about. And besides, I'm here right now, so let's think about what is rather than what could've been." He said

I smiled at Kurt with pride; he had already come this far in his healing. I think that this is the moment I knew Kurt would be alright again someday; these scars wouldn't fade, but they'd be minimal.

"But Kurt, you can't deny it didn't happen! I mean, you could've died and stuff! And what if this happens again Kurt, but that time it follows through? What am I going to do then?" Finn yelled obviously frustrated

"I promise, I will be fine. I love you Finn, and you know it. You did all you could. And I love you for it. Now, can you please leave? I need a minute. I will have Blaine call the family and see if they can come down at some point."

Finn stood up from his chair and looked back at Kurt.

"I love you Kurt, I'll see you soon." Finn said, leaning down to Kurt to give him a hug. He spun around and walked out the hospital door, not without looking back at Kurt with a sympathetic smile.

I turned to Kurt who already had tears running down his cheeks. I squeezed his hand, and brought it to my lips.

"Are you okay baby?" I asked softly

"Look what I did to him. Look what I could've done to him. He thinks he's a terrible brother, and he's not, all because of this. What have I done?" Kurt said, the tears rolling faster.

"Kurt, take a deep breath. I'm going to call Doctor Jones and see if he can move our appointment up, okay?"

Kurt nodded, wiping another tear from his cheek. I swatted his hand away playfully, and he looked at me in question

"I'm the one who's supposed to wipe away your tears. It's my job; it's an honor. I love you, Kurt." I said, kissing his lips quickly after I rose from my chair. I walked out of the room to go change the appointment.

Post A/N: So this was definitely a filler chapter; but it is important. Finn's appearance in this chapter is going to affect what happens at Kurt and Blaine's next therapy session; which will be in the next chapter. I will have that posted either today or tomorrow! (:


	11. Broken Memories

A/N: So this is probably going to be kind of angsty, because I just got some terrible news, and I need an outlet. Keep in mind, readers, that life is precious, wonderful, and too short. Please, don't take anything for granted in your lives; it could very easily be taken away.

"C'mon Kurt, get dressed. We need be down for our appointment as soon as possible." I said walking back into Kurt's room. He was still crying from when I left him. It wasn't fair; he shouldn't be in pain.

Kurt rose from his bed and I gave him his clothes. He walked into the bathroom to change, and I sat down in my chair, next to Kurt's now empty bed. _What if he really had died? What if today, instead of going to therapy, you were going to Kurt's funeral? No, Blaine, don't focus on that. Kurt isn't dead. Kurt is alive, and Kurt is going to get better. …But what if he tries to do it again, and he ends up succeeding? I couldn't live my life without Kurt. …I'd never do anything ever again. Without him, I'm nothing. What if he finds out about my past? What if he finds out about my fight with bulimia, and then he thinks I'm so gross that he leaves me when he's finally strong enough to be on his own? What would I be without him? I can't let him know…_

"Blaine?" Kurt asked, very confused and seemingly concerned. He walked closer to me

"B-Blaine, are you crying?" Kurt asked, his breath shaking. I hadn't even noticed I let a tear fall. I stood up from my chair, a little below eye level with Kurt. I just looked at him, letting a tear fall. And another one, and another one. I wiped away my own tears and put my arms around Kurt, bringing him in for the tightest hug I had ever given anyone. I let my head rest on his shoulder as I was now letting sobs out.

"Kurt, I love you. I love you more than I could ever explain and I can't help but think what life would be like without you. I'd be nothing without you." I sobbed. I squeezed Kurt tighter, the warmth of his body pressing up against me making me feel a little bit better. I felt a warm wetness on my shoulder; another shed tear from Kurt. I stood there with Kurt, hugging him, both of us in tears. When I finally released, Kurt looked at me with a sympathetic smile, his eyes red from crying.

"Blaine, I'm hurting right now. And I'm lost. But I promise, I'm never saying goodbye to you."

I was lost in Kurt's body again as I subconsciously pulled him in for another hug.

"I love you." I whispered

"I love you too."

I guided Kurt hand in hand down to the therapy floor. We walked to up to the same desk we had before, just a couple of days ago. The same nurse guided us back to a different room from the last time, though it looked exactly the same. Kurt and I sat down in chairs, one across from the other. I was the first to speak.

"Kurt, you have to start telling me about the events that led up to this moment, right now. You have to tell me everything. I don't care how far we get today, but we have to start." I said.

Kurt bit his lip, and was fighting back tears.

"I'm going to tell you again, Kurt, no matter what you say, or what you do, I'm still going to love you. I always will." I said , gesturing for Kurt's hand. He gave it to me.

"Where do I start?" He finally asked

"At the beginning."

Kurt thought long and hard about it before he spoke.

"Sophomore year. That was the year I came out. I started the year off in the closet, but everyone knew I was gay. They all assumed it. And I mean, look at me, it's kind of obvious. I was being thrown in dumpsters, being slightly harassed; it was stuff I had gotten used to. It was year two of that; freshman year was just as bad. I joined Glee club and met Mercedes, Tina, Rachel, Artie and eventually Finn. Mercedes liked me and then I ended up coming out to her and to my dad. Coming out changed my life, for the better and the worse." Kurt said, squeezing my hand. I encouraged him to go on.

"Glee club made me happy and all that stuff, and sophomore year I was still slightly harassed, but I felt at home. I also developed at crush on Finn, which you know. Then Junior year happened and you know a lot about Karofsky. But you don't know the whole story." Kurt said. I watched his face turn pale white. His normally beautifully colored eyes were black. I kissed Kurt's hand, hoping he'd continue.

"You know he… k-kissed me, and threatened to k-kill me, but you didn't know he had tried." Kurt said, letting a tear roll down his cheek.

My heart stopped. My mind went blank. Karofsky had tried to kill Kurt, and he told no one. We all knew he threatened it, but no one knew this.

"H-he took me into the boy's locker room, back in the showers after school. He pulled a knife on me, placing it to my neck and…" Kurt sobbed. I got up from my chair and sat next to Kurt. He laid his head on my chest, and I stroked his beautiful hair. I planted small kisses at the top and hugged him close to my body. I knew how he felt.

"_**Anderson! Get your fag ass over here!" Bret called. Derek took my arm and dragged me over to Bret.**_

_** "You fag, do you realize no matter what you do, nobody will like you? Throwing up like a teenage girl just makes you even more gay! I'm surprised you're not puking rainbows. And it's a shame your excuse of a brother walked in on you cutting yourself; he should've just left you to bleed. It's a shame he didn't, but better luck next time." Bret screamed in my face. I was holding back tears **_

_** "What, cocksucker, are you gonna cry like the little girl that you are?"**_

_** "No leave me.."**_

_** "You fight back, we kill you." Bret whispered maliciously, putting a knife to my neck. A slight tear rolled down Blaine's cheek.**_

_** "People like you shouldn't be allowed to live; messing up society, running around flaunting your gay like it's something you can't control. I don't know why I'm not killing you now." Bret whispered, face to face with me. He took the tip of the knife and pushed it slightly into my neck and moved it down, just enough to leave a cut.**_

_** "Oh, that's right. Why take the blame when you'll just go home and hang yourself anyway?" Bret said**_

_** "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER?" Cooper called. Sirens sounded off, and cars were pulling in. I was thrown to the ground. I could see lights flashing, and kept hearing my name, but I couldn't say anything back. I felt a hand on my shoulder and my consciousness subsided.**_

I cried into Kurt's shoulder, and sobbed into mine. I cried for Kurt and the pain and memories he should never have to endure, and I cried for myself; how I knew exactly what he was going through. I needed to remain strong for Kurt. I couldn't cry for me. That was the past, and this is the present. The present is Kurt and I need to focus on him.

"Shhhh, Kurt, it's okay. This is good, you need to get this all off of your chest. Shhhhh." I said, planting more kisses on the top of his head. I let a few tears roll down from my eyes.

"I can't talk about anymore today, Blaine, I j-just can't." Kurt sobbed. I hugged him tighter

"We don't have to today, Kurt. We can set another session up soon. Just let it all out." I whispered, as Kurt, on cue wailed into my shoulder. I sat there, rubbing Kurt's back and hugging him as he cried out all of his pain. We sat in silence for the remainder of the appointment; just me, Kurt, and a bunch of broken memories."

:( . I'm slowly starting to reveal Blaine's background, intertwined with Kurt. In the next chapters, you'll really see how similar and how different the boys handle what has happened to them. Hopefully we'll see some New Directions in the next couple chapters? It's entirely possible.


	12. Coming Home

A/N: This is for all of you who have made it to this point of the story…. YAY! It means so much to me that you're still reading. I've pretty much figured out how I am going to end this… but that doesn't mean we're at the end yet. Definitely not yet. But definitely in the near future

We were back in the hospital room; not a word was said since was checked out of the therapy session. Kurt was sitting on his bed, no longer sobbing, but shaking from the hard and long amounts of it he had already done. I sat there, staring off into the empty, dull room, absentmindedly stroking the top of Kurt's hand with my fingers. Not only were we both tired physically, but emotionally too. The silence was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Enter." I said, my voice monotone.

The door opened and Doctor Jones came in, lab coat and all.

"Hello Blaine, Kurt." He said, holding his hand out to shake us in greeting. I zoned back into reality, shaking his hand. When he held it out for Kurt, he was hesitant, but bravely shook the Doctor's hand.

"So you two had another therapy session this morning, how did it go?" the Doctor had asked.

I looked to Kurt to see if he'd say anything, but he remained zoned out, not even looking at the Doctor.

"It was definitely emotionally draining. It's hard, but Kurt is opening up, and it is helping him. Just him shaking your hand today was a sign of how far he's already come." I said confidently to the doctor. I felt Kurt squeezing my hand.

"I can definitely see that; Kurt, you are making huge amounts of progress. Since it has been 3 days, and you are doing well, we are going to allow Kurt go home after dinner this evening." The doctor said with a smile.

Kurt was squeezing my hand again, and I turned to him in excitement

"Kurt! This is great!" I said, so excited I wasn't sure whether to look at the Doctor or Kurt

"Kurt, while we are allowing you to come home, you will have to come back here every other day for the same type of therapy with Blaine. Also, you are going to have to look into getting an actual therapist. I know that this is something you do not want to do, but it is necessary if you don't want to be down this path again. Blaine will be allowed in the therapists with you until you feel confident enough to go on your own." The Doctor said to Kurt. He nodded, but said nothing

"And Blaine, we have already called Mr. Hummel to inform him this, but Kurt cannot be left alone until therapy occurs and a certified therapist says it is okay; we don't want to take any risks. His cuts seem to be doing alright, but for now they need to be kept covered and clean until they fully heal. Nothing sharp or potentially harmful without supervision for now is to be used. Mr. Hummel will be here to officially discharge Kurt at 6:30 PM." The Doctor said, scribbling a few notes down on his clipboard before waving goodbye and walking out of the room.

"Kurt! You get to go home!" I said excitedly

"No. I'm not ready." Kurt said, staring at the wall in front of him

"What are you talking about Kurt?"

"I don't know if I can go back into my room where it all happened. I don't know how that's going to affect me." Kurt said, now turning to me.

"Kurt, you're going to have to try. But you won't be doing it alone, Kurt, you'll be doing it with me. You're not alone." I said, standing up so I could kiss Kurt.

I felt Kurt's body fall to ease as my lips touched his. It was nice knowing that Kurt could relax for a few conscious seconds.

"I don't know how I got so lucky with you." Kurt said as I pulled away from his face

"I ask myself the same thing every day." I said, smiling at him.

Two musicals later, it was 6:00 PM. I felt my phone buzz and wasn't surprised to see it was a text from Burt.

_At the hospital. Can we come in?- Burt_

_**Yes- Blaine**_

It wasn't more than a minute later that we heard a knock at the door. The door opened to reveal Burt, Carole and Finn.

"Hello everyone." I said, smiling and gesturing for them to come in closer to the room.

"Hi" Kurt said shyly. I saw Burt's face light up when his son spoke.

"Hey Kid. And hello Blaine." He said, shaking my hand and then walking over to Kurt to hug him hello.

I walked over to Carole to kiss her in greeting and give her a slight hug. I then walked over to Finn and held out a hand to shake when he pulled me in for a tight bear hug. He whispered, barely audibly

"The least I can do it hug you. You saved my brother's life."

He released me from the hug and smiled at me. We both turned to Kurt who had evidentially watched the whole moment; he was smiling the biggest I had seen him in a long time.

"How you doin' bud?" Burt asked

"I feel better. But I'm tired." Kurt answered quietly. I smiled hat him proudly

"You ready to go home?" he asked

Kurt slightly tensed up, and turned to me. _Courage_ I mouthed. He took a deep breath and turn back to his father

"I think I'm as ready as I'll be for now." He said, a bit louder than his last reply. Carole and Burt's faces lighted up, and Carole walked over to give Kurt a hug

"I'm so proud of you Kurt" I heard her say, her voice slightly muffled by her face buried in Kurt's shoulder. The nice moment was interrupted by another knock at the door. It was Doctor Jones.

"Hello everybody!" he said cheerfully, shaking everyone's hand. "Are you ready to go home Kurt?" He asked

Kurt nodded. "Yes."

"Alrighty then, well Mr. and Mrs. Hummel, please, do follow me to fill out the final paper work?" He said. The three adults left the room, leaving it to just Finn, Kurt and me.

"Kurt, you certainly picked a good one. Blaine is a good guy Kurt; don't let him stray." Finn said with a smile. Kurt looked at Finn, his eyes welding with tears. But this time, they were different; they were happy tears.

"I never would. He's stuck with me now." Kurt giggled

"Well, I wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone else." I responded with a giggle. I grabbed Kurt's hand and smiled at him. My stomach immediately dropped when I let my thoughts wander.

_He won't want that when he finds out you puke your guts out, Blaine. He won't love you anymore. And you'll be all alone once again._

"Dude, Blaine, are you alright? You look kind of pale." Finn said. I shook my head out of my daunting thoughts and turned to Finn who was staring at me in confusion. I then turned to Kurt who was wearing the same look

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired that's all." I said. Finn had bought it, but I could tell Kurt hadn't. He knew better; he always did. But Kurt didn't argue; he didn't have time. Burt and Carole and Doctor Jones came back into the hospital room.

"Alright, Kurt, you're set to go! There is a wheelchair outside your room; I know you don't necessarily need it, but its hospital policy to be taken out on one. Go home and get some rest; your next therapy appointment is tomorrow at 3:00 PM. See you then Kurt." He said, shaking Kurt's hand. He shook everyone else hand too before turning to walk out of the door

"Doctor Jones!" Kurt shouted. It was the loudest I had heard him talk since the incident

The Doctor peaked his head back in the room and looked at Kurt.

"Thank you." He said.

"You're very welcome Kurt." The Doctor had said, smiling before he once again disappeared from sight.

"You ready to go Kurt?" Burt asked

He nodded. I assisted Kurt from his bed, walking with him hand in hand to the door way of the room. Carole had grabbed all of his belongings, and was right behind us with Finn. Burt walked out first, gesturing for Kurt to sit in the wheelchair. He slowly sat down, and Burt pushed it down to the elevators. I walked to the side of Kurt's chair, holding my hand out for his. He took it, lacing his fingers in between mine. It might have just been my fatigue, but I swear I caught Burt wiping a stray tear from his eye at the sight.

We all loaded into the elevator in silence as it took us down to the bottom floor. We wheeled Kurt to the Hummel's car in the parking lot. Finn got in the third row of the car, closing the entrance off so Kurt could slide into the second row. I slid next to him, helping his buckle his seat belt. I closed the back door, and I watched Burt take the now empty wheelchair to the hospital entrance. Carole walked to the passenger side of the car and hopped in, buckling herself. It was only a couple minutes until Burt got back and got in the car. He shut the car door behind him, took a deep breath, and turned the key to the car.

Only 20 minutes had passed by between leaving the hospital and arriving at the Hummel's. Burt took Kurt's stuff and ran it to his room, while Finn and Carole got out of the car, walking in to the house. They knew Kurt needed time to soak this all up; and they were willing to give him that time.

It was just Kurt and I in the car when he spoke.

"Blaine?"

"What?"

"I'm ready." He said. I turned to him, smiling.

"I'm so proud of you Kurt, you've already come so far." I said. I got out of the car, and walked around to the other side to open the door for Kurt. He slowly got out, shutting the door behind him and grabbing my hand. We walked into the house. I shut the front door behind me when we were both inside. We stood at the doorway for a minute; Kurt needed time to soak up that he was home. He squeezed my hand and led me to his bedroom down stairs.

We approached the door to his room, which was closed. He stopped right in front of it, to take a deep breath. He reached his free hand out for the knob, and turned it slowly. We walked into his room, shutting the door behind us. We didn't move from the door way. We both just stood there, examining the room. I could see the entrance to Kurt's bathroom; where he had tried to take his life just a few days before. Carole or Burt must have cleaned it; there was no blood or razors on the floor. It was clean, like any other day. I felt Kurt's hand shaking in mine; a shaking that brought me back to reality. He was crying.

"Kurt, it's okay. I promise it's okay." I said, hugging him now.

"It was right there Blaine, I tried to do it right there." He cried

"Shhhh, I know, I know." I said as he sobbed into my shoulder

"Kurt, these memories are never going to fade away. They're always going to be here, but with the therapy, we are going to try to restore life to how it was before. It'll never be the same, but I promise, someday you'll be happy like you were before."

I lead Kurt over to his bed, suggesting to him that he lay down; as he did. I lay next to him, bringing his sobbing body into my arms. I curled my arms around his abdomen, hugging him close to my chest.

"Kurt, go to sleep. You need the rest, we both do. And I promise, I'll be right here when you wake up." I said

"Blaine?"

"Yes Kurt?"

"I'm glad I'm alive." He said

I kissed the top of his soft, brown hair.

"I'm glad you are too, Kurt. I love you." I said, fluttering my eyelids shut, drifting off to dream land.


	13. I'll Never Change Myself For You

A/N: This chapter is going to be a turning point in this story for Blaine. I've been really anxious to write this chapter since I decided I was going to be cruel and do what I've done to Blaine. But don't fret dear readers, it'll get better at some point.

I groggily opened my eyes to see the world around me. I glanced at my watch that read 6:30… I had slept for just under 12 hours. I don't know how I could sleep that long and STILL be tired. I nuzzled myself closer to my Kurt, planting soft kisses on the top of his head. I felt him stir next to me, and a few minutes later he rolled over to face me, opening his eyes. They would close and then flutter open and then close again, until Kurt managed to keep his eyes open for good.

"Good morning, Beautiful." I whispered to him. I moved my head in and planted a long, beautiful kiss on his lips. He released

"Good morning" He said, before I dipped back in to kiss him.

We would kiss, and pull apart, and smile and kiss and pull apart again. I rested my forehead on Kurt's, shutting my eyes, wishing this moment would never have to end. I felt lazy lips press on mine once more, and the two of us laid there, caught up in each other. For the first time since I found Kurt, broken and shattered, we were happy.

Kurt's lips reluctantly broke from mine as he rested our foreheads together.

"I love you so much, Blaine." He whispered

"I love you too. I never want this moment to end, Kurt." I whispered back

"Me neither." He said, slowly moving his lips back on to mine. He lazily and slowly moved them simultaneously with mine, only breaking away every once in a while for more air. We'd then move back in, complete content with never moving for the rest of our lives. He pulled away from my lips, and whispered on to them

"You take my breath away. Every kiss feels like the first one with you."

"I love you." I whispered, kissing Kurt yet again.

He released and flipped his face away from mine. He moved his body closer, however, so his back was touching my abdomen. I let my face rest on his shoulder, kissing it softly and sweetly until I knew he was asleep yet again. I heard my phone buzz. I opened it; One new message.

**Blaine, where the hell are you? You better get home now, or your father is going to have a fit. – Mom**

I felt my stomach churn. My parents came home from their business trip this morning and I was home. I was dead. I climbed out of bed as quickly as I could without disturbing Kurt, and grabbed a notepad and pencil.

_Sorry I had to leave beautiful, there was an emergency. I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you. Xoxo Blaine_

I threw the note on Kurt's nightstand and I swiftly walked out of the room. Burt was sitting at the dining room table, and I was noticed

"Kid, where are you going?" He asked, worried

"Sir, my parents need me. It's an emergency. I promise, I'll be back soon." I said to him

He smiled sympathetically and waved for me to leave. I grabbed my car keys from my jacket that was still on the coat hook from 3 days prior and ran out the door. I jumped in my car, speeding to drive back home. It was 10 minutes before I was in the driveway of my house. I hopped out, and walked up to the doorway trembling with fear. I went to turn the knob when someone had beaten me to it. And that someone was my father. He grabbed me by the shirt collar and dragged me inside.

He shut the door behind me and pinned me to a wall. I turned my face so I didn't see him, but I knew what he looked like. He was enraged, angry.

"Where the HELL were YOU last night?" He asked, angered. I just swallowed and breathed heavy

"BLAINE. ANDERSON. YOU ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW. WHERE. THE HELL. WHERE YOU LAST NIGHT. AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO LIE TO ME." He now yelled, clenching his fists harder around my shirt

"I was with Kurt." I said very quietly

"WHERE?"

"I WAS WITH KURT!" I yelled

He screamed, throwing me to the ground. I hit my head off of a table nearby.

"YOU WERE WITH THAT FAG AGAIN? SO YOU'VE BEEN WITH HIM ALL WHILE WE WERE GONE, FUCKING HIS PRETTY BOY ASS? OR WAS HE FUCKING YOURS BLAINE? WHICH WAS IT?" he screamed. I was trying to hold back tears. I stood up facing my father

"I WASN'T FUCKING WITH KURT, I WAS BEING THERE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S NOTHING! AND HE'S EVERYTHING!" I screamed back at him

"WELL, I HOPE HE TRIES AGAIN, FAGS LIKE YOU AND HIM SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATH! YOU'RE A WASTE!" He yelled, throwing a punch at me that knocked me down to the ground.

"MICHAEL STOP IT!" I heard my mother yell. But he just got down on the ground, face to face with me.

"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A WORTHLESS COCKSUCKER BLAINE, YOU ARE A WASTE OF A SON. AND THAT FAG THAT YOU'RE WITH IS JUST AS BAD." He screamed, punching my ribs. He picked me back up by the collar of my shirt, bringing me face to face with him.

"MICHAEL, STOP IT, PLEASE!"

"YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR MOTHER, TO ME, AND TO THIS FAMILY. YOU WILL EITHER LEAVE THE LADY FAG AND FIND A PRETTY **GIRL** TO DATE, OR YOU WILL GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE, BECAUSE I WILL NOT HAVE A COCKSUCKER FOR A SON." My father yelled, smacking me across the face

"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A CLOSED MINDED WASTE OF HUMAN SPACE, FATHER. I WILL NOT LEAVE KURT. I WILL NEVER LEAVE KURT, CAUSE GUESS WHAT DAD? I LOVE HIM. I LOVE** HIM. **AND HE LOVES ME BACK. HE LOVES **ME,** SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO. HE LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM. AND I ALMOST LOST HIM BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD WHO MAKE HIM FEEL WORTHLESS! WELL GUESS WHAT DAD, HE IS MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, BECAUSE HE LOVES AND ACCEPTS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT OR WHO THEY ARE, AND ONLY REAL MEN CAN DO THAT. SO FUCK YOU, DAD, I'D RATHER BE WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM, THAN CHANGE MYSELF FOR SOMEONE ELSE. SO FUCK. YOU." I screamed. I had never been angrier than I was then. My father glared at me, before sending one more blow to my face.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE, BLAINE. YOU ARE NO LONGER MY SON." He screamed, shoving me into the wall before walking out on me. I turned my head to see my mother, standing there in her silent tears. I ran up to my room, grabbed my guitar case, and walked back down stairs. I turned to my mother

"This is no longer my home. I'm sorry, mom, but I'm not longer your son." I said

"Oh, Blaine!" She sobbed, before I spun around and walked out of the house. It was pouring outside now, but I could care less. I ran to my car, sticking my guitar case in the backseat before crawling into the car. I turned on the ignition, and backed out of a driveway that was no longer mine. I drove to the only place I ever knew to be accepting.

My guitar case in hand, I knocked on the front door of the Hummel residence. The door opened, Burt smiling

"Hello Bla…"his words faded. His smile faded.

"Blaine, what the hell happened?" he asked, clearly concerned. I was covered in blood, cuts, and bruises.

I let go of the tears that I had been holding for so long.

"Oh Blaine." He said sympathetically. I dropped my guitar case, and Burt pulled me in his arms, squeezing me tight as if he would never let go.


	14. You're My Everything

A/N: OKAY! I am FINALLY sitting down to write this. Ik, yay yay yay. This week has been crazy though; you'd think with classes out thing would be less busy? NOPE! (: Well, I hope you guys enjoy this.

I sat down the dining room table in silence across from Burt Hummel as Carole was in the kitchen preparing me ice packs. I couldn't dare to bring my eyes to them; they must be so ashamed. Carole walked over to me, giving me a warm cloth to clean up my blood stained face and ice packs for my eyes and nose.. She sat down, teary eyed and sad, reaching for Burt's hand.

"Blaine, honey, look at me." She said sympathetically. I did not respond.

"Blaine, you have to trust us. We care about you." I rose in rage

"DON'T YOU GET IT? DON'T YOU SEE I'M NOTHING? I CAN'T EVEN PLEASE MY OWN FAMILY! THEY ACT LIKE IT'S SOME 'CHOICE'! WHY WOULD ANYONE CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS? WITH THE INSULTS, THE HARRASSMENT? I'M A FAILURE! WHY WOULD ANYONE GIVE A CRYING FUCK ABOUT A FAILURE!" I screamed, holding back my tears.

"Blaine, bud, calm down." Burt said

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN! I HAVE NO FAMILY, I HAVE NO HOME, I HAVE NOTHING! CAN'T YOU SEE THEY'RE RIGHT? I'M NOTHING! I'M WORTHLESS! AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HUH? IT'S ONLY A MATTER TIME BEFORE KURT SEES I'M A FAILURE, AND HE LEAVES ME, AND THEN THE ONLY THING THAT I'VE EVER HAD THAT **LOVED ME** WILL BE GONE! AND THEN WHERE WILL I BE? NO WHERE! I'LL JUST BE MORE OF A FAILURE THAN I WAS BEFORE!" I screamed. I took one of my ice packs and hurled it across the room as it smashed. I collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Sobbing for the excuse of a life I have. I felt arms wrapping around me, hugging me close.

"Blaine, honey you are not any of those things. You are not a failure. You are the single most charming man I have; talented, intelligent. And Blaine, Kurt NEEDS you. You saved his life. You saved HIM, Blaine. You're not a failure. You're a hero." I looked to Carole, through my tear blurred eyes. I slid my body over to lean on the couch, sobbing.

"Honey" She continued, lifting my bent head to look at her. I still would not look into her eyes.

"You, Blaine, are not a failure." She said. I leaned over, sobbing into her shoulder. She patted my back, holding me close. I opened my eyes to see Burt looking at me, crouched down to my level. Carole released me so Burt could come closer.

"Blaine, you saved my son. You are nothing but a hero. Failure isn't even in the picture. Look what you've already been through in your life! Being gay wasn't a choice for you, we know that. And you're wrong Blaine; you have a family, and a home. You have us, Blaine. You know, I've longed for so long for someone like you to come into Kurt's life. You are a blessing, Blaine. You were like a miracle for us. You know, most high school relationships aren't like your relationship with Kurt. But you two have something special and none of what happened today is going to change how he feels about you, and anything that WE think of you. You didn't choose for any of this to happen. You are special Blaine, special to me, to Carole, to Finn and especially to Kurt, and there's nothing that's going to change that." Burt said, reaching out and patting my back. I looked to him through my swollen eyes, and hugged him.

"Thank you." I whispered. Burt just held me tight rubbing my back.

"It's going to be okay, shh." He consoled.

"What's going on?" I heard a higher pitched voice whisper. I felt Burt release me from me

"B-Blaine?" I heard the voice waiver again. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I heard his steps coming closer until he was right next to me. I heard his knees thump to the ground and felt him taking me into his arms. I let out another sob into his chest.

"Shhh, Blaine. Blaine. It's okay." He said, planting a kiss on my head. I nuzzled my face into his shoulder, letting my tears fall. His hands rubbed the back of my head, stroking my hair.

"No." I sobbed. "I have to be strong for you."

"Blaine, honey, look at me." He said. He released me from his embrace and I looked at him through my squinting eyes.

"Blaine, you don't always have to be the strong one." He whispered

"But Kurt, I c-can't let you down. I have to be h-here for you." I sobbed

"Blaine, listen to me. We can't always be strong; we fall and we break apart. Sometimes, we all need someone to be here to put us back together again. And that's what I'm here for; just like you are for me. And right now, we're both broken, but I promise, together, we're going to make it through this. We're going put each other back together." He said, now crying too.

"I love you so much." I whispered.

"I love you too. We're going to get through this." He said, moving in closer to me to wipe my tears. He leaned in closely to kiss me, moving his lips on mine. I released from him, relieved that Carole and Burt had left us to ourselves minutes before.

"Kurt, he beat me. He beat me and he threw me out, he beat me and told me I'm nothing Kurt, I'm nothing." I said, letting the tears fall again.

"Blaine, you are everything. My everything. I have nothing without you. You saved my life; my heart; just… you saved me. I was so… lost when I met you. And when I found you, I found myself again too. Your father… he's the one who's nothing. His hatred is ignorance Blaine, you don't need him. I promise you, it's going to be okay." He whispered

"I love you, Kurt."

I know, this is a really short chapter; I probably could've put it in the last chapter, but honestly, what's life without a cliffhanger? (: Things are starting to look up for our boys! (: …. Or are they? :)

Hopefully I'll update soon.


	15. Epsom Salt

A/N: So, right now, I need to thank a few people. First, I have to thank **Nurse Kate**. She was the first persistent follower of my postings, and if I didn't have that first boost of confidence that she gave me just by reading my stories, I probably wouldn't be updating. Second, I need to thank **Hummel-Anderson**; I have been reading fanfiction since February and she was one of the very first authors I found on this website and remains one of my favorites. When she reviewed this story, I'm not going to lie, I was smiling like an idiot; many times she PMed me and told me to keep writing; times when I probably would've just dropped the story. I need to thank **HeartlessRomanticWithoutAPen**; your review INSPIRED me; and knowing my writing affected you really touched me. I hope you three are still reading this, it means so much to me that you even started. I also need to thank my two best friends in the whole wide world, **Kerrie110 **and **Shaniamarbles**; you have stuck with me through thick and through thin and I love you guys so much. So now, on with the story!

I was broken; shattered. And Kurt said he was going to fix me. I'm not fixable. I'm not lovable. Kurt shouldn't even have to fix me! Look at what he's been through! He needs it more than I do. And how am I, his boyfriend, supposed to fix him if I'm like this? I'm not supposed to; I can't. I'm going to try with all of my might to, but I know I can't.

I was curled up with Kurt (who was fast asleep) on the couch; and for the first time, it hurt to be in Kurt's arms. He was holding me; comforting me; when I SHOULD BE THE ONE comforting him; holding him. So not only does he have to worry about fixing himself, but now he has to worry about fixing me too? And then when he finally fixes himself, he'll put full focus on fixing me when he'll realize he can't. And then he'll leave me, and I'll be left with no one. I'll be nothing but a broken gay teenager.

Carole walked back into the living room, and she saw I was awake.

"How you feeling honey?" She asked, sitting in the recliner across from the couch. I shouldn't lie to Carole, but I needed to be strong.

"I feel better. A lot better. Carole, thank you for everything your family has done for me." I said. All of that wasn't a lie; but I didn't feel better. I felt worse.

"Oh Honey, since you met Kurt you've been A PART of the family. And this is what family does for one another." She said, smiling sympathetically. Her words were like a dagger in my chest; I'm a part of her family she says? I've failed Kurt, someone so precious in her life, and she considers me a part of her family. And then she, along with Kurt, will find out that I can't be fixed. And I will be left to myself. I deserve it anyway; it's not like I've ever done anything for them.

"Thank you Carole, it really means a lot to me that you're here." I said, putting on my best poker face. She obviously bought it.

"No Blaine, thank you. You are a miracle to our family; to Kurt." She said, rising from her chair. Another stab wound to the chest. "You should wake Kurt up, I have breakfast made for everyone in the kitchen. You need to eat; you really didn't eat anything at the hospital with Kurt, so now that you're home, we need to work on this appetite!" she said with a smile. I threw on the best smile I possibly could.

"Alright, I'll slowly wake Kurt up and we'll be out in a minute." I said. Carole came over and planted a friendly kiss on my forehead before walking out of the room.

Food. I didn't want to think about food; it made my stomach churn. I was so hungry; I've been hungry for days. But I can't be caught throwing up; Kurt doesn't need to know about that. I'll find a way to get rid of it, somehow.

I looked at the beautiful boy in my arms. I couldn't help but smile at him; he was so beautiful. Kurt was the most beautiful boy I had ever known, and I really did love him. I loved him more than I loved myself. I felt so guilty for having him all worried about my stupid issues now; Kurt didn't need that. Kurt needed a strong, and independent man who could be there for him, and I am nothing but insecure and weak. Having Kurt in my arms made me so happy, but now, I couldn't help but feel pain when holding him because I knew it was only a matter of time before he realized that there was no hope for me. He could do so much better.

"Kurt. Kurt baby, wake up." I cooed to the boy like I always did.

"Mmmm." He mumbled

"C'mon beautiful, it's time to get up." I said, planting a kiss on his head. He smiled at the touch; my heart broke at it.

"Mmmm 5 more min'tes." He mumbled

"C'mon Kurt, we can take a nap after breakfast if you want to, but Carole made us all of this delicious food and we can't let it get cold on her!" I said. I watch Kurt smile and flutter his eyes open.

"I could see this years from now." Kurt whispered. "Me waking up to your beautiful hazel eyes in New York City. Someday Blaine, I promise. It'll be us."

My heart shattered completely if it hadn't before. _Don't make promises you can't keep Kurt._

"I see it too." I said, trying not to seem so distant.

Kurt stretched out his arms before letting his feet touch the ground. He stood up, holding his arms out to me to assist him. I took his hand and rose from the couch. Kurt pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my shoulder blade.

"I love you Blaine, thank you for everything." He whispered.

I felt my heart sink.

"I love you too." I whispered back, trying to keep my voice from wavering. He released me from the embrace and we walked hand in hand into the kitchen.

Whenever I held Kurt's hand, I always felt a spark; a spark of love, happiness and comfort. Now, all I could feel was guilt, sadness, and pain; all of those feelings intensifying when remembering Kurt would leave me one day.

I sat down at the breakfast table; me and Kurt sitting on one end, Burt at the head of the table and Carole and Finn beside him. I looked at Finn, who was studying me intently; probably examining the huge shiner on my eye.

Everyone began to dig into the huge feast we had before us. I carefully took some fruit, and a pancake, but one I ate, I couldn't stop. I kept grabbing more and more fruit, more and more pancakes, more eggs, more toast, more bacon; I must've eaten half of everything she originally placed on the table.

"Wow Blaine, I think you're the only person I know who has eaten more than Finn." Kurt teased, patting my thigh comfortingly. I blushed, knowing this was true. I was disgusted with myself; I must've eaten about 3,000 calories.

"Oh, Blaine honey, Epsom salt is supposed to help with bruising, so you should bathe in warm salt water after breakfast. That stuff works wonders." She said. _Pffft. The bruises may fade but scars still haunt my memory._

"Oh, I've never used Epsom salt before. Thanks Carole. I want this all to go away as fast as possible." I said, hiding my pain. Everyone smiled at me, except for Finn, because he had no idea what was going on. I assumed Carole would fill him in on it later.

"Oh, and Kurt, I postponed your therapy appointment with Blaine at the hospital to tomorrow; they totally understood and were willing to change it immediately." She added. He thanked her quietly. Everyone finished up their meals, conversing in light chatter. I only spoke when directly spoken to; otherwise I was left to my thoughts. Everyone was excusing themselves from the table when Carole brought me a small carton

"Here Blaine, this is Epsom salt. Go fill the bathtub with warm water and put some of this in it and then just relax for 15 minutes." She said with a smile.

"Thanks Carole." I said, taking the carton and running up stairs.

I was walking to the bathroom when I was tapped on the shoulder.

"You were awfully quiet at breakfast" The higher voice whispered in my ear

I turned around to face Kurt, who wore an expression of concern on his face.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just really tired." I replied. I wasn't fully lying

"Okay boo, go take a bath and then we can cuddle up and watch a movie, okay?" Kurt said with a smile. I smiled at him, his words scarring my heart.

"Okay." I said. He kissed me chastely on the lips and walked off to his room. I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom, shredding the clothes from my body and turning to the mirror. I looked fat and disgusting; I felt it too. I couldn't puke it back up because someone would hear me. They don't need to worry about that too. I felt panic, worry; I had to get all of these calories out of my body.

I tried to turn my focus to getting my bath ready, filling the tub up with luke warm water. I picked up the carton of Epsom salt and began to read the label; figuring out how much I would put into the tub.

_Uses for Epsom Salt:_

_Relieves minor pain of sprains and bruises_

_Laxative._

Whoa, what? A laxative? I felt a smirk form on my face. They didn't have to know I was puking, because now, I wouldn't have to puke. I found an old rinsing cup in the bathroom cabinets and filled it with a little bit of water and a lot of Epsom salt. I chugged the mixture down, rinsing the bad taste out with another swig of water. I settled into my bath water with a smile on my face, knowing I had a new way to conquer my body.

I felt my stomach getting tighter; I smiled. _Bye Bye Calories._

"Kurt I'll be right back." I said, moving from the boy I had on top of me. I ran to the bathroom to let all of the hideousness out of my body.

I felt.. better. I felt in control, and just better about myself. I ate a whole meal, and now, there's nothing to show of it. No more pounds, no more disgusting feelings; just me. I was finally in control, and nobody had to know.

I walked back to Kurt, who was soundly asleep on the bed. I eased my way back into bed, so he would be resting on me once more. I rubbed circles on his back and kissed his temple, knowing I felt.. happy. Kurt didn't have to know I was broken. He wouldn't need to worry about me; he could focus on himself. I could focus on him. And we could be happy together. I smiled, fluttering my eyes shut to join my love in dream land.

A/N: Ahh, the discovery of Epsom salt. Blaaaaaine :'( …. I'll be updating again soon!


	16. It's Because I Was Kissing KURT

A/N: I didn't think I would get around to two chapters today, but look at me! This one is kind of a filler, but it does have some REALLY important stuff in it. Enjoy!

Kurt and I did nothing more than cuddle for the rest of the day. We felt safe and happy. We lied on Kurt's bed all day, exchanging lazy kisses, innocent touches and loving looks. My heart was wasted on happiness as Kurt's were too. Both of us were remembering how life was before somebody smashed us into a million pieces. We ended up falling asleep that night in Kurt's bed, cuddled up together happily. I woke up the next morning to someone shaking my arm, urging me to wake up. I opened my eyes to see Finn, looking down at me, very concerned

"Hey dude, I'm sorry to wake you, but I really wanted to talk to you, alone." Finn whispered.

I nodded, rubbing my eyes and slowly getting out of bed. I followed Finn into his room; a place I had never been before. He shut the door behind me.

His room wasn't nearly as nice as Kurt's; it was messier, and well… Finn-ish. There were rock band posters all over the wall, clothes scattered about, and a tiny drum kit in the corner. Finn gestured for me to sit down on his bed, while he pulled up his desk chair.

"Blaine, I know what happened, dude, and I'm really sorry." Finn said. I smiled sadly and nodded in thanks.

"Blaine, you're kind of like.. my other brother. When Kurt was going through all of the shit leading up to this, I wasn't there for him like I should've been because I was an ass. But you… you were a miracle for him. You are someone just like him; someone he could relate to. And Kurt deserves someone like you in his life. I'm so glad he found someone like you. I used to worry about Kurt getting a boyfriend; I was worried that he was going to be some douchebag guy that pressured Kurt into doing stuff. And I do love Kurt. He's family now. But when you guys finally started dating, I was so happy because you were everything opposite than I expected." Finn said. I smiled, knowing that Finn was happy that I was with Kurt.

"Sometimes, Blaine, I get so jealous because you can make him happier than I ever could. And I don't mean that in a 'I want to get into your boyfriend's pants' thing because obviously I'm his brother and I'm DEFINITELY not gay, but I still do care about Kurt. And when you're with Kurt, he always seems so happy. Even when he was at his lowest, he was HAPPY with you. I could never make Kurt as happy as you make him. You are a real blessing to us Blaine. But, I'm worried about YOU." He continued, looking at me with concern. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion

"Blaine, before everything went downhill, you and Kurt looked at each other the same; lovingly, happily; it was really endearing. And when Kurt was in the hospital, you still looked at him like that; you never left his side. But since we've gotten home, I've gotten worried because now when you look at Kurt, you look sad. You look like you're longing for him, which doesn't even make sense because you HAVE him. And Blaine, I just don't understand it. I totally saw you guys when you were waking him up yesterday for breakfast. It just… Blaine I don't know why. And I know all of that stuff went down yesterday, but I'm just worried about you." Finn said. His eyes were watering; he was not crying, but I could tell he was on the verge of tears, like I was.

It was funny, everyone perceived Finn to be sort of… nim-witted. Well, really, he wasn't. Finn may have some stupid moments at times, but he is very intuitive. And he just proved it to me now.

"I love Kurt more and more every day. " I started, Finn looking at me intently

"Kurt is my life. I lost everything yesterday, Finn. My family. My home. All I have left is Kurt. But I'd rather have Kurt than those other things in my life, because they can't love me like he can and I can't love them like I love him. When I kiss Kurt, I'm not happy because I'm _kissing_ Kurt, I'm happy because I'm kissing _**Kurt.**_ I know he's the only one for me." I said truthfully. Every single statement of that was true. And this is where I started to lie

"But everything has taken such a toll on me too. I can't help but now process the fact that he could be dead right now. I feel so terrible that he's so… broken. And I just want to help him. And I'm so sad, because now he feels he has to worry about me with the whole thing yesterday, and he just needs to worry about himself. I love Kurt, and I want him to get better. I don't want him getting better to be delayed because I can't sort out my family issues. That's not fair to him."

What I said was true; everything was taking a toll on me. And sometimes, when I look at Kurt, I can't help but feel awful when I starting thinking what life would be like if he followed through with his plan. I try not to think about it because it's too painful and I want him in my life. But I'm not about to tell Finn about my Bulimia, because if he finds out, Kurt will find out. And if Kurt finds out, he'll realize I'm too broken to fix, so he'll leave me. And then, I will literally have NOTHING.

"Blaine, Kurt told me about this thing you have… he says you box when you're angry, or need a release. So I think that you should come to the gym with me, once a week. Blaine, I see you spending the rest of your life with Kurt; I really do. Your relationship with him is so… deep. And I want to build a good relationship with you early on, because I want us to be close in the future. " Finn said, smiling at me. I smiled the best I could back; his words killing me.

I was scared to get close to Finn. If he found out I was broken too, after I had gotten close with him, not only would my heartache over Kurt, but I would lose someone that has the potential to be a great friend too. One heart break is enough.

"Blaine, I want you to trust me to the point where you can tell me anything, and vice versa. You are going to be my brother in law someday. Well, my step brother in law, but Blaine I'm not considering you a step brother in law or even a brother in law; you are my brother. And we're family now. And this is what family's do for each other." He continued

_This is what families do for each other._ Why is everyone saying this all the time? Evidentially, that's not what all families do; mine never did. They never even did when Cooper still lived at home, and he was straight.

"Finn, I would love too, but I don't really…"

"Please, Blaine. It would mean so much to me. To me, to Mom and Burt, and Kurt."

I sat there, staring at Finn. I weighed my options. Now that I discovered Epsom salt, I could hide my bulimia. Maybe this would help fix Kurt; being friends with his brother. Maybe this is something that would make him happy. And maybe I would get a good friend out of this. I will make it my mission to not let him find out.

"Okay. Finn, that sounds great." I said. Finn smiled and stood up, giving me a hug

"I promise Blaine, I'm here for you if you ever need a friend to listen." He said. I felt a wetness on my shoulder; Finn's tears. He pulled out of the hug, each of us smiling at one another.

"Oh, but Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"Just… if one thing…. No sex questions alright? I don't want to have to think about you and my brother…. Having… getting it… uhh…" He stumbled upon words. I laughed

"Having sex? Trust me I won't that would be awkward for both of us." I said, smiling. Finn laughed with relief

"Okay thank God." He said laughing, before he froze up again.

"Have you… you know?" He asked nervously

"Had sex? Finn God, sometimes you're worse than Kurt. And yes, we have. Now can I go before this gets too awkward for us?" I asked, laughing. He stood there, frozen

"You didn't pressure him into it right?" He asked quietly

"No Finn, I wouldn't do that to him. He asked me if we could, and I told him yes. We were both ready and it's something neither of us regret." I said confidently. Finn just stood there awkward, trying to accept my words

"O-okay." He said, before I laughed once more and wlaked out of the room. I walked back over to Kurt's room to wake him up. We had a therapy appointment in a couple hours.

I crawled back into bed, bringing Kurt to my chest. I kissed his sleeping head softly, and whispered in his ear.

"Good morning beautiful. It's time to start our day together."

He stirred slightly, but did not open his eyes.

"C'mon Kurt, we gotta get moving." I said lightly, kissing his cheek. He smiled, but did not awaken.

"Kurt, Finn just asked me if I had sex with you." I said, trying not to laugh. Kurt's eyes shot wide open, looking at me.

"He WHAT?" He said, his voice raspy from his sleep state

"Yup. And I told him we had. It was quite the funny sight; I wish I had known because I would've taken a picture." I said laughing. Kurt was now laughing too.

"You didn't regret it?" I asked nervously

"Our first time? No. I absolutely did not regret it. I loved every minute of it. It was one of the best nights I ever had, because I got to share it with you." He said. I turned his body slightly so I could get a better angle of his lips.

"I love you." I said, before kissing him slowly, and passionately. I released, rolling out of bed

"We have to get ready for therapy at noon, and it's already 10:30; and it takes twenty minutes to get to the hospital, so we need to hurry a little bit." I said "I'll make breakfast because I'm already ready; you can get ready while I do that." I said

"Blaine, you fell asleep in that. How are you ready?" He asked

"These are the only clothes I have. Everything is back at my parents' house. I only grabbed my guitar." I said quietly, letting the memories of yesterday resurface.

I felt a warm body now hugging me

"I'm so sorry Blaine." He said. I just wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in closer; it was like I was holding on to the last thing I ever had… maybe because I was.

"Blaine, after therapy, let's go to the mall. We can buy you some new clothes until we can get your stuff back from your parents' house. We'll spend the day together. It'll be nice." He said into my shoulder. I pulled away from the hug and looked at Kurt.

"That sounds great." I said smiling, before kissing the love of my life once more. Just like every time; this one felt like the first. It's not because I was _kissing_ Kurt, it's because I was kissing **Kurt.**

Post A/N: I decided to end this one more on a happy note (: I hope you enjoyed! I would like some feedback on the Finn/Blaine relationship; I feel like they should get a long more than they actually do, and since I'm writing this story….. well….. yeah. So let me know how you feel about it!


	17. Finn, We Are Going To The Gym Now

A/N: I'm really sorry I haven't posted in a while, I feel really bad. Long story short, there's a baby on the way in the family, someone died and I got sick. So… yeah. That's the past 5 days in a nutshell. So I'm really sorry about that. So here's this! Enjoy!

"Blaine, I just don't get it." Kurt said, looking down at the hospital room's floor. "He was jealous of me because I was gay and was out about it, which is something I understood, but he…liked me and wanted to kill me? Even under his circumstances, why would you want to kill someone you like?" Kurt said, completely confused.

"Maybe his jealousy overpowered his like?" Blaine questioned, not knowing what to tell Kurt. Only Karofsky knew the answer to Kurt's question. And they were not about to go ask him anytime soon.

"Blaine, he did more than just try to kill me." Kurt said in a monotone voice as fear creeped on his face. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, encouraging him to go on.

"He t-touched me." Kurt said, his eyes watering up.

"Like he.. he had…"

"No, not all the way." Kurt said, still looking down at the ground like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen

"He pulled me into the boy's bathroom near the cafeteria and he pinned me up against a wall and he… he touch me.. there." Kurt said, letting a tear escape from his eye. I wiped it, and kissed Kurt on the head.

"I tried yelling for him to stop, but he kept going, until a freshman walked in. He didn't see us, but it was enough to make Karofsky freeze and run out of the room." Kurt continued

"I felt so… dirty. I ended up telling the nurse I threw up in the bathroom and she let me go home. I showered 3 times, and I couldn't help but feel…..just… dirty. I felt awful about myself. I felt used. I felt…violated. And I think that was the second big thing that led to all of this." Kurt said, gesturing to his surroundings.

I hated Karofsky. He took away Kurt's first kiss, threatened to take away his life, and was aimed on taking his virginity. There was nothing more that I wanted than to see that boy locked up and miserable for the rest of his life, but there was nothing I could do. I had no physical proof (though Kurt's words and tears were enough for me) and Kurt wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't know what to do. All I knew is that Karofsky is still on the loose; he could hurt my Kurt again.

"Kurt , you should never have to feel that way about yourself. HE made you feel that way. It was nothing of your doings. And I want to kick his ASS right now." I said angrily.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He whispered, trembling. I hugged him close to me, rubbing small circles on his back as he shook in my grasp. This was something that was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He could fade away the pain, but it would never really be…gone. It was always going to be there.

"You don't deserve this Kurt. No one does. Especially you." I said still squeezing Kurt tight.

"Blaine… I felt so… low. So low. So dirty, so used, so… not me." Kurt sobbed

"Kurt, when did this happen?"

"2 weeks ago." He whispered

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know what you'd think Blaine! What if you broke up with me? I don't ever want to lose you, Blaine." He said, sobbing.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. I want you to listen to every single word I say, very very closely. And I never, ever want you to forget it, okay?" I said, pulling away from our tight embrace. He looked into my eyes; mine into his.

"Kurt, I'm never going to leave you for that. He tried to HURT you. What kind of person, let alone boyfriend, would I be if I didn't protect you? I can't protect you if I don't know what's going on. Kurt, you can tell me anything, and I promise, I will never judge you. Everything that you tell me will cause me to fall even more in love with you. I love you more every day. And I don't want this to happen to you again. I love you too much Kurt, and I can't fix anything if I don't know it's broken. You have to tell me. And I will always love you for doing so." I said, now crying.

I pulled Kurt in for another hug, squeezing tight, as though I could never let him go.

"I don't deserve someone like you." He whispered

"You deserve everything, Kurt. And don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise." I said.

Hugging Kurt, I couldn't help but think that he was right; he doesn't deserve someone like me. He deserves BETTER. He deserves someone who is not fighting their own demons. But I love Kurt. I love Kurt so much; some days I think I love Kurt too much. And I may be broken, but I won't let him fix me. I can fix myself.

Despite an emotionally draining therapy session, Kurt insisted we go to the mall to buy me clothes. I felt… guilty. I felt that we shouldn't have to be taking care of me. I can fix myself; Kurt needs to worry about himself so he can get better. And I need to worry about him too.

We looked in at least five different stores for clothes; acquiring new pants, shirts, sweaters, undergarments and of course… bowties. Kurt held himself differently at the mall; if that even makes any sense. He was confident in looking for new fashions, and he seemed genuinely happy looking for clothes to fit me. When we had finished, we sat down in the food court and shared a few laughs over coffee. It was like we were one of our old coffee 'non-dates' from before we got together. It was just us, being flirtatious and ourselves.

"Look, it's the lady fags." I heard a voice call out. Kurt froze. I shot my head up to look at Karofsky, who was approaching our table. I got up from the table, standing in front of Kurt.

"What do you want Karofsky?" I said, almost in a growl. He just grinned mischievously

"Move out of the way, Hobbit. I need to see Hummel."

"I'm not moving from this spot." I said sternly.

"You'd better, if you knew what was good for you." Karofsky said, his voice low and husky.

"I'm not moving from this spot." I said, letting my eyes peer into his soul. I reacted as Karofsky threw his fist at me; I blocked it. I grinned as his face froze.

I threw multiple blows to his face, those blows becoming harder and harder with each swing. I knocked Karofsky to the ground, and it was only a few seconds before I was kneeling beside him, holding his face up to mine.

"It's because of people like you that I learned how to do that. Now, if you come near Kurt again, it'll be worse the next time. And yes, that is a threat. And you can go cry to the authorities all you want, but I know there were witnesses here. And I KNOW what you did to Kurt. So if YOU knew what was best for YOU, you would stay away from Kurt. Now leave." I said, my body pulsing with anger and adrenaline. I stood up and watched as Karofsky did too, backing away from us slowly. I turned around to Kurt, who looked shocked but never the less angry

"Blaine! What the hell?" He yelled

"We need to leave now." I said before spinning around and walking towards the exit of the mall. I knew Kurt was only a few paces behind me. We had gotten to the car before Kurt spoke

"Blaine! You KNOW he's only like that because he's so far in the closet!" Kurt said angrily

"Kurt, look what he's done to you! Look what he almost drove you to do! I was NOT letting him near you again. I don't care how far in the closet you are, you can't just DO that to people. Especially not YOU. He deserved every blow he received Kurt, every single one and I don't regret it." I said sternly, growing angrier by the second

"Blaine I don't care what he's done to me! He didn't deserve to have the shit beat out of him!" Kurt yelled

"KURT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HE TRIED TO DO TO YOU? DON'T YOU GET IT? HE TRIED TO KILL THE ONLY GOOD THING IN MY LIFE; HE TRIED TO TAKE AWAY YOUR HAPPINESS, YOUR INNOCENCE, YOUR LIFE, KURT! IF HE KILLED YOU, I WOULD HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! AND WHAT IF HE TRIED TO HURT YOU AGAIN, HUH? WHAT IF HE TRIED TO KILL YOU AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME HE SUCCEEDED? HUH? WHAT WOULD I DO THEN? I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF!" I screamed, now crying in anger. Kurt just sat there, with his mouth open, not saying anything. I turned the car on, and sped back home, fighting to keep tears out of my eyes as I drove.

We both got out of the car when we arrived home and I ran into the house. I ran into Finn's room, him staring at me confused

"Get me a pair of gym shorts. I have a t-shirt. We are going to the gym now." I said as calmly as I could, before watching Finn nod. I walked out of the room and downstairs to the front door, where I ran to the car and waited in the passenger seat. Finn followed not but 5 minutes later, and climbed into the driver's seat.

We drove to the only 24 hour gym in Lima. I practically sped out of the car and into the gym, finding the nearest punching bag. I grabbed a pair of gloves that they had there, and I started to beat the living daylights out of it.

I beat the ever living crap out of that bag. I pictured it being anyone who ever hurt Kurt. There was even a point I pictured it as myself, because obviously, beating the crap out of Karofsky hurt him. It just didn't make any sense! He HURT Kurt, shouldn't he want to see him in pain? Yeah, I feel bad for the kid, but he was going to RAPE and KILL Kurt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" someone asked. I turned to see Finn leaning against a wall to the side of me.

"I just don't get it." I said, refocusing my thoughts on the bag. I jabbed it a few times before turning to Finn. I punched the bag a few more times, feeling my rage build up. My rage towards Karofsky and towards myself.

"KAROFSKY HURT HIM. KAROFSKY HURT HIM AND HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BEAT THE EVER LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM! FINN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE AND KURT WANTS ME TO **LET HIM GO?** WHAT SO KURT CAN BE HARRASSED EVEN MORE AND THEN TRY TO TAKE HIS LIFE AGAIN? ALL I HAVE IS KURT. THAT'S **ALL** I HAVE, AND I CAN'T EVEN DEFEND HIM? WHAT IF I LOST HIM? I ALREADY ALMOST DID!" I screamed, throwing more punches at the bag. I stopped, and collapsed on the ground, crying. I felt Finn crawl over next to me and put his arm around my shoulder

"Blaine, take deep breaths, okay?"

"I CAN'T! WHAT IF I LOSE KURT, WHAT DO I DO THEN? AND NOW HE'S MAD AT ME, MAD BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BEAT KAROFSKY UP, WHEN THAT'S ALL HE'S EVER DONE TO KURT! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" I sobbed

"Blaine, deep breaths. Please." Finn said.

I sat there, shaking in anger and in fear for what seemed to be an eternity.

"Blaine, can you try and tell me what happened?" He asked. I continued taking breaths.

"We were at the mall, and Karofsky approached us, calling us… well.. you can figure what he called us. And I stood in front of Kurt and when he tried to go after him, I beat the shit out of him. I told him to leave us alone, and Kurt became very angry with me." I said, wiping tears from my eyes and sighing

"He's angry at you?"

"Yes, Finn."

"Why?"

"Finn, Karofsky is gay. A gay that is so far in the closet and that's why he does what he does to Kurt. And Finn he did some terrible stuff. I can't really go into it because of the therapy stuff. But I saw him and he tried to approach Kurt and I beat the shit out of him. But Kurt was all angry because he feels pity towards Karofsky. But what if he had tried to hurt Kurt again, huh? Finn, he's all I have. My parents hate me because I'm gay; I don't have my family anymore. I'm not really close to anyone like I am close to Kurt. And if I lost him, I'd lose myself. I couldn't take any chances." I said, letting another tear slip. I knew I wasn't tell Finn everything and I knew I should, but I just… couldn't. I couldn't tell him. Kurt would then find out and he would definitely leave me.

"I can see where Kurt is coming from, but I can also see where you're coming from. And Blaine, I think Kurt will too. I know he will. And Blaine, you are not going to lose Kurt. I've been on and off with girls before; some who I even thought I was in love with, but you and Kurt? I see you guys growing old together; bantering over what color to paint your living room or what crib to buy for your first baby's nursery. I see it. And everyone else does too. Blaine, I think you did the right thing to protect Kurt. Maybe you shouldn't have beaten Karofsky up, but you are right to protect him. Kurt is just stubborn." Finn said, trying to console me.

"You really are a lot smarter than they portray you to be, Finn. You're a good guy." I said to him, smiling. He gave me a 'bro hug'.

"This is what I'm here for, bro. You are like a brother to me. You aren't like one, you are one Blaine. I'm always around if you need me." Finn said with a smile

I couldn't help but feel worried walking back to Finn's car. He said he'd thought me and Kurt would be together forever. But what if that isn't the case? If Kurt finds out what's really going on, he'll leave me. I want that future more than anything. If I can't have Kurt, I will have nobody because I can't imagine my future without Kurt in it.

It was in no time that Finn and I were home. Finn looked at me before stepping out of the car and walking to the house. I sat in the car, taking a few deep breaths before getting out. I stepped out and walked to the front door, entering the home when I was attacked by something; someone. I could smell a Vanilla and mocha; I instantly knew it was Kurt. I squeezed him tight in my arms.

"I'm sorry Blaine." He whispered into my shoulder. All I could do was let another tear run down my cheek and squeeze Kurt tighter.

"I love you so much, Kurt. I'm really sorry I was so violent. I'm just so scared that I'm going to lose you." I said into his shoulder. He released from my hug.

"Blaine, you are never going to lose me." He said, crashing in on me to let his lips waltz on mine.

I couldn't help but feel my heart break at the words; words that would be true if Kurt never found out my weakness.

Post A/N: I'm really sorry that the ending kind of sucks; my head is like… pounding really badly. :( I just want to let you all know I am going on Vacation next week, so I probably wont have a lot up like I normally do; but I'll still be writing! (:

I also want to address something; Blaine KNOWS he has a problem; this is a relapse. He WANTS to get help, but he WON'T because he doesn't want Kurt to find out, and he loves Kurt too much to have him a) worry about anything other than himself and b) lose him. Blaine (if you can't already tell) has his mind set that Kurt will undoubtedly leave him if he finds out about Blaine's ED

Having and ED is a serious issue, no matter what anyone says. If you have one, please, seek help. It's the bravest thing a person can do. Love you all!


	18. You Can't Love A Monster

A/N: So I would definitely have to say that this is going to be one of the biggest points in the story. Definitely. Enjoy.

"YOU FAGS!" David yelled at the two boys.

"ONE OF YOU IS THE BIGGEST FLAMING HOMO IN THE COUNTRY, AND THE OTHER DOES NOTHING BUT PUKE HIS GUTS UP IN SELF-PITY. PATHETIC FAGS." He yelled, grabbing Kurt and throwing him down to the ground, not without pulling out his knife and taking it to Kurt's throat. He screamed in pain; a shriek that would forever haunt my memory.

I woke up, shaking in terror. _It was just a dream, Blaine._ I tried to convince myself that nothing bad like that would happen. But I couldn't help it. He had hurt Kurt; and in my dreams, he succeeded. Kurt had died. I flew up from my bed and ran to Kurt's room, turning on the light to see Kurt still lying in bed. He lay there peacefully, still heavily consumed by his dreams. I turned out the light and shut the door, slumping down against the wall outside of Kurt's bedroom.

I felt sick at the thought of losing Kurt. I felt my stomach churn; thinking of what could've been. And then, I remembered. We had a huge meal last night, and I hadn't gotten rid of anything like I should've. That sickened me even more. I had probably already digested most of it, but it was worth a try. I got up from the floor and walked to the bathroom, turning the light on and shutting the door. I turned to the mirror; looking at myself. I just laughed

How pathetic was I? My boyfriends in serious trouble, and I can't even put my own issues aside to help him? What kind of boyfriend does that make me? It's not like my issues matter anyway; no one actually cares about me. They put their act on for Kurt. And does Kurt even care? Or is that an act too?

No one cared. I had always known that this was the truth, but I never actually BELIEVED it. My parents kicked me out. The kids at school don't care. The Hummel's don't care. Why would they though? I'm a pathetic, ugly little boy; nothing but a coward.

I walked over to the toilet, taking a deep breath before getting down on my knees. I stuck my fingers down my throat, and before I my gag reflex gave way, I heard a voice.

"Blaine?"

I retracted my fingers and turned to see Finn, standing in the doorway, looking mortified.

I sat back down on my knees, and began to sob. Finn ran over to me, getting down on the ground with me. He awkwardly took me in his arms, holding me close as I sobbed.

"Blaine, calm down, c'mon." Finn whispered awkwardly as I tried to take deep breaths. He helped me up from the ground and walked me back to my room; sitting me on my bed.

"Blaine what's going on?" He whispered

"T-they tried to h-hurt K-kurt and then t-they k-killed him and K-kurt was g-gone! I had n-nothing!" I sobbed into my hands.

"Blaine, it's okay." Finn comforted, moving towards me to give me a huge bear hug.

I was scared of the dream, yes, but I was more terrified with what just had occurred. Finn knew. And he would tell Burt and Carole and..Kurt. He would tell Kurt and Kurt would leave me.

"Y-you can't tell K-kurt" I sobbed, looking at Finn through my tears.

"He doesn't know?"

I nodded my head. Only Finn knew now.

"Oh Blaine.." Finn whispered sympathetically, bringing me into his body to hug him.

For a good fifteen minutes, I did nothing but sob into Finns's chest. He said nothing; all he did was hug me, rubbing circles on my back as I drenched his t-shirt in salty tears.

Since the incident, I knew that Kurt could've been taken away from me and I would be left with nothing in the world. I feared he could try to do it again. I was scared of living in a world without Kurt by my side. But what scared me more was the thought of living in a world where Kurt COULD be by my side and WASN'T. I clinched my fists into Finn's t-shirt, letting the thought break me.

"Blaine, you have to tell Kurt." Finn eventually said. I pushed myself away from him, looking at him coldly.

"No."

"Blaine, why are you so afraid?" Finn asked sincerely. I was angry. I was so angry.

" You don't get it, do you? What kind of man would I be then, Finn? Huh? Kurt almost KILLED himself, and then I'm going to go in and say "oh hey, by the way, Kurt, I puke up my food and have no self-esteem so I can't be strong for you." That would be so nice of me, wouldn't it? IF KURT SEES THIS, HE WILL LEAVE ME, FINN. I have NOTHING without Kurt. NOTHING. No one else CARES. No one else SHOULD care! He shouldn't even care! He'd be so disappointed and grossed out. And then, he'd be gone. I'd have no one." I whispered harshly to Finn.

"Blaine, Kurt is not going to leave you. Kurt would be more disappointed that you didn't tell him. He only would be disappointed because he loves you, Blaine. You saved his life. Sometimes, it's like he cares more about you than himself, and all he wants for you is to be happy. And he's not the only one who cares, Blaine! I care. My mom cares and Burt care and all of New Directions care. The Warblers care. Blaine, we all love you so much; we'll love you no matter what's going on."

"No one can love a monster. Get out." I said sternly.

"Blaine.."

"GET OUT." I said, a little louder this time. Finn slowly stood up, looking back at me from the door frame.

"Blaine, you need to get help. You need to. This could kill YOU. Imagine how Kurt would feel without you. And you can't hide this from him forever. He is going to find out someday. You know where I'm at if you need to talk." Finn said calmly before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind us.

I was angrier than I had ever been before. I got out of bed, grabbing my shorts and t-shirt from yesterday and putting them on. I walked to Kurt's room and sat down on the edge of the bed, near his head.

"Kurt." I said quietly

He stirred and opened his eyes in the dark to look at me.

"Kurt, I'm going to the gym." I said as calmly as I could. My body was pulsing with rage

He sat up and turned his light on, rubbing his eyes. He looked at the clock which read 3:23 AM.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" I ignored his question.

"I'm going to the gym. Go back to sleep. I just didn't want you to freak out when you got up and I wasn't back."

"Blaine, you are NOT going alone." Kurt said stubbornly, getting out of bed. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and threw them on his back.

"Let's go." He said.

"Kurt.."

"Let's go." He repeated. We walked out of the room and down to Kurt's car. He got in the driver's seat and drove me to the 24 hour gym in Lima in silence.

When we got there I practically ran out of the car, running to the first punching bag I could find. I grabbed the pair of gloves there and began punching away, as Kurt slid down against the wall.

I was throwing everything into my punches. Finn was right; Kurt would be so disappointed. He would be. And if he found out, he'd realize he CAN'T love a monster. But what if this did kill me? What if KURT was by himself? I couldn't leave Kurt by himself. I had to stop. I had to be strong, for Kurt. I couldn't let this get to me anymore. I stopped punching and looked over to Kurt, who smiled sleepily at me. I had to be strong for him; he was being strong for me. And he didn't even know the beginning of it.

Post A/N: Honestly, I thought this was going to be so much better than it was. Maybe things will start looking up for Blaine? Maybe they won't? You'll find out soon enough. Blaine wants to stop, but will he be able to?


	19. Knock Knock

A/N: I really needed to write this. Enjoy.

All went okay (sort of) for me for two weeks after Finn found me. He told no one, and I was thankful for that. However, I found it unnerving that he seemed to be breathing down my neck all the time. He started leaving his door open at night in case I stirred, wouldn't let me leave the table until my meal was finished, and he even started standing outside the bathroom while I was in it (which was VERY awkward for the both of us.) While it was very irritating; it was working. I hadn't used a single laxative OR thrown up since he found me.

I had been eating and I hadn't been gaining weight; something I was very happy about. Finn and I went to the gym almost every day; I would always box and he would work some of the other equipment around me; never letting me leave his sight. Some days, Kurt would even come to the gym and watch me box, as though he was there for the moral support. It didn't hurt to be with Kurt anymore; I felt like I didn't have to hide from him; I was slowly but surely healing again. And to think it was all Finn's doing.

Kurt and I had stopped our one on one therapy and he had been sent to a certified therapist; they told him to start getting out more and starting seeing more of his friends again. It had been almost a month since the incident and he had seen no one but his family.

Things were going alright; I was happier. I wouldn't say I was HAPPY but I was happier than I was. I felt pretty good actually; I felt good about myself. It had been a while since I felt this good about myself. Kurt was becoming his old self again; he was laughing more, smiling more. We were slowly picking up the pieces of ourselves. But nothing could ever stay that way, could it?

It was a normal evening in the middle of the summer; Kurt and I were cuddled up on the living room couch watching TV and sharing lazy kisses. These were my favorite kind of days; we'd go to the gym in the morning, I'd shower, and then we'd both cuddle on the couch until the sun went down.

"Hey babe, I'm not really hungry for dinner, so I was just going to get something to snack on. Do you want anything?" Kurt asked me

"Can I just share with you?"

"No. You can't" He said with a sarcastic smile. I grinned back at him as he sat up. He planted a chaste kiss on my lips before walking into the kitchen. I turned my attention back to the TV.

Kurt was only gone for a few minutes when the doorbell rang.

"Blaine can you get that?" Kurt yelled from the kitchen

"Yup, on it now." I said, standing up from the couch and walking to the door. When I opened the door, I didn't except to see who was standing there.

"You little fag." The deeper voice said, storming into the house uninvited.

I froze. My father shoved me up against the wall, just like he had just a few weeks prior.

"You think you can just LEAVE me? You're wrong Blaine, you're wrong." He whispered harshly. He slapped me across the face. His face was just inches from mine; it was then I knew he was drunk. I could smell the alcohol on his lips.

"You are worthless. You are nothing. And I'm going to kill you." He said dipping into his pocket. He pulled out a razor blade, and held it to my throat.

"BLAINE!" I heard a higher pitched voice yell

"DAD! CAROLE! FINN! HELP PLEASE HELP!" Kurt screamed at the top of his lungs

"Oh, is this your faggy boyfriend?" my father slurred. He released me from his grip.

"I'm going to kill him first. It'll kill you more to watch HIM die, than to actually kill you. You have no quality of life anyway." He continued to slur. He ran over to Kurt, grabbing him by the shirt collar. Kurt was pale white, trembling under the grip of my father. He held the blade to Kurt's neck

"GET YOU'RE FILTHY HANDS OFF HIM!" I screamed, running over and grabbing my father. I threw him down to the ground; now I was in control

"What the hell is going .. WHAT THE HELL?" Burt screamed, now entering the living room. I watched as Carole entered, mortified.

"FINN! CALL 911!" Burt screamed, running over to me

"Blaine, what the hell?"

"THE BASTARD TRIED TO KILL ME. HE TRIED TO KILL KURT, HE'S GOT A RAZOR IN HIS HAND." I yelled nervously; my volume pumped by adrenaline.

Burt got down on his knees, pinning down my father.

I turned to see Carole holding Kurt; both of them watching Burt. Kurt was shaking; his eyes swimming with tears. Finn entered the room, now holding Carole and Kurt. Help was on the way.

"What the HELL is wrong with you? Coming in MY HOUSE and trying to kill BLAINE? Trying to Kill MY SON? THIS IS YOUR SON! GAY OR NOT! Blaine is double the man you'll EVER be. No REAL man would attempt to kill his SON or his son's BOYFRIEND. Why would you ever even be CONSIDERED a father? You might be the biological creator of Blaine, but that doesn't make you the FATHER. You are NOT a man, Mr. Anderson. You are a COWARD, ROTTEN NO GOOD BASTARD. You're the reason I believe there's a HELL Mr. Anderson." Burt yelled into the face of my father.

It wasn't five minutes before the police and an EMT crew was in the Hummel household. The police had taken my father away and had contacted my mother, while the EMT crew checked over Me, Kurt, Burt and my father. They had eventually left the household; leaving us with nothing other than terror. I held Kurt as he sobbed in fear; trying to calm him down.

I hated my father. I hated him with every part of me. He tried to take away the only thing that is precious to me; my beautiful, loving, Kurt. Kurt didn't deserve this; none of us DESERVED it. Hadn't we all been through enough?

"What did we do to deserve this?" Kurt whispered, letting another tear fall from his eye.

"We don't deserve it." I said to him, holding him in my arms.

He had eventually fallen asleep in my arms; so I carried him up to his room bridal style. I laid him down in his bed, tucking him gently under the covers. I left him to sleep, not without first kissing him softly on the lips. I walked to my room and shut the door behind me.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to feel. My father tried to kill me. He'd hurt me before, but he had never tried to end my life. Was I really worth that little? I had felt so much better the past two weeks; why did I have to feel so low again?

**Knock Knock.**

"Come In." I said calmly. I opened the door to see Finn.

"Hey Blaine." He said, stepping in the room and shutting the door behind him

"Hi."

"Can I talk to you?" He asked

"Sure." I gestured for him to sit at the edge of my bed

"Blaine, I'm really sorry today had to happen. You don't deserve any of it." He said

"Thanks Finn."

"Blaine, I know this was hard for you. But after It happened, you didn't even focus on yourself. You focused on Kurt. And that's so brave of you, Blaine. You pushed everything you felt aside to be there for Kurt."

"Of course I did. I love him and I'm not going to let anything hurt him."

"I know that. It's really admiral; how much you care about him. But you need to focus on yourself too." Finn said

"I only need to focus on Kurt. What happens to me can be taken care of after he's okay."

"Blaine, you've been doing so well. I don't want you to relapse."

"I'm not going to relapse again, Finn. I feel fine." I answered. I was feeling angry. And I certainly wasn't feeling fine. But didn't he see Kurt was more important right now?

"Yeah, and I bet you said that last time you recovered too, Blaine." Finn said agitated.

"Finn, I promise. I'm not going to puke again."

"Swear to me?"

"Yes Finn." I said, clearly annoyed.

"Alright. Goodnight Blaine." Finn said, giving me an awkward hug before standing up.

"I'm not going to bed yet; I'm gonna shower first. But goodnight." I said to Finn. He smiled sympathetically before leaving the room. I sighed and gathered my pajamas to take to the bathroom.

My thoughts were getting the best of me. I couldn't help but replay my father's words in my head. _You Fag. You're worthless. You have no quality of life. You're worthless. You fag. _

I gritted my teeth together, the harsh words cutting my heart. I tried to fight them with counter thoughts. I wasn't worthless, I had Kurt and Finn and the Hummel's. I undressed and stepped into the shower.

_You Fag. You're worthless. You have no quality of life. You're worthless. You Fag._

The same thoughts ran through my head as I washed my hair; freeing it of its' jelly helmet.

_You are nothing._

I felt tears welding up in my eyes as I washed my body; scrubbing over my chest, my legs, my face, my back. The evil thoughts were winning; I couldn't escape. I was nothing.

I turned to face the in-shower mirror that was suctioned to the wall; grabbing my razor from its holder. I picked up the can of shaving cream and rubbed some on my face; preparing to shave the little stubble I had acquired over the past few days. I looked at my razor.

A razor. My father had a razor. My father tried to kill me and Kurt with a razor. I stared at it; blinking in tears. How would it have felt; feeling the sharp blade on my neck?

I felt like I was going to be sick. I needed to puke. But I promised Finn; I promised him I wouldn't relapse. He'd be so disappointed. I needed a new escape; that's when my eyes flickered to my razor.

I understood why people cut and why they felt it would help, but I had never thought of doing it. But how would it feel? Maybe so many others did it because it worked.

I turned my wrist over and let the blade rest on the skin; preparing myself for what I was about to attempt. But I stopped. I couldn't do it on my wrist; Kurt or Finn would notice. I shook as I moved the blade over my chest; resting it on the skin that covered my heart.

I let the blade run across the skin; reddening the area before it actually cut through. It was painful; it stung worse than anything I've ever felt. But I had to keep going; I had to release these thoughts. I had to feel better. I needed a way out.

The blade continued to rip through my skin and it wasn't two minutes before there was a visible drop of redness, pooling over the area. I quickened the pace of the moving blade as more and more blood appeared; I had never been so scared in my life; but never had I felt so alive. I felt my pain rushing out through my body with my blood. I moved the razor and began to surface another cut; one after another after another. I felt so free. I had to get the pain out. I was meant for this. I had found a new way out of myself; and no one ever had to know. I cleaned the blade, and slightly cleaned the wound before turning off the shower head. I stepped out of the shower and grabbed my brown towel; drying myself off. I spent a few extra seconds drying off my new cuts; my new escape. No one ever had to know.

Post A/N: I am RELENTLESS on poor Blaine. :( Review, please.


	20. The Darkness And The Devil

A/N: So I'm really looking forward to the next chapters because I'm going to start introducing some poetry in them; all the poetry is mine, so I would really enjoy some feedback on that, good or constructive. (: Thank you to everyone who is still reading this…. 20 chapters…. I never imagined. Ever.

(SET 1 WEEK AFTER THE ENCOUNTER WITH BLAINE'S FATHER)

Everyone seemed surprised that I was doing so well after the encounter; they figured I'd be a wreck. And on the inside, I was. But they didn't see that I had found my release; it was my dirty little secret. And that was how it was going to stay.

My days seemed to carry on like normal after the encounter. I found myself having to be careful at the gym around Finn; normally, we'd quick shower off before going back home, but I couldn't with the scars. I had the hide them; honestly, with Finn, it was so easy to do. I would say I forgot something, or I needed to get home to check on Kurt, or some other excuse; and he bought every single one.

I caught myself turning to the blade during every shower; all the pain and guilt and worthlessness could bleed out of me, and I'd walk out feeling better than I had going in. The cuts hurt like hell; they hurt far more than a sore throat after puking ever did, but I deserved the pain. I was well deserving of it; my father made it evident. But that pain made me feel… alive. It was like a new type of high; and it hurt so bad, but I couldn't get enough of it.

Kurt's therapy was strengthened after the encounter with my father; he did not take it well. Nobody really expected him to. He was beyond paranoid; every time someone knocked on the door, he froze. He flinched at anyone's touch but mine, and was starting to close himself off again. I was really worried about him; but Burt told me to have trust in the therapist.

I would sit with Kurt every night in the privacy of his bedroom, and he would talk about his therapy that day; about what he learned -and today was no different.

"So today I kept telling the therapist I was weak. That I was too weak and that's why I tried to end my life. She said I wasn't weak, but my coping methods were. She asked me how I coped with the bullying, and I told her everything; the cuts, the self-destroying. She said I needed to find healthier ways to express my pain; ways that could possibly be beneficial to others. She recommended writing; that's where this comes in." Kurt explained, holding up his new notebook.

"Every time I feel down about myself, or need to get something off of my chest, or I just need a release, she told me to focus on writing a poem. It didn't have to be long, or have to rhyme, or even have to be good; I just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe someday, if I get really good at writing, I can do something productive with it. But for right now, she told me to try writing just to get everything out of me. And I wanted to share one of my poems with you. Can I?" Kurt asked.

I couldn't help but think how proud I was of Kurt. He was really trying to get better and he was succeeding. He was being far more of a man than I ever could be.

"I would love to read your poem, Kurt." I said, smiling at the beautiful man across from me. He flipped open to one of the first pages in his notebook, and handed it to me to read.

"It's not really that awesome, but I felt so much better after writing it."

_**The Darkness and The Devil**_

_**Look up to the sky and see the blackness of the night**_

_**And note the stars do not shimmer; darkness is in sight**_

_**And it starts to break you down; shows a subject apropos**_

_**You feel the darkness laugh at you and how you are alone**_

_**The darkness runs on pain; and he sees that you are prone**_

_**The darkness is your fiend and he's got you all alone**_

_**He got you living in a nightmare; the pain is overblown**_

_**And The tripping fest drifts you off into the unknown**_

_**The darkness that attacks decides the pain is not enough**_

_**So The darkness calls his right hand man; the devil of yourself**_

_**He is what volunteers to make the darkness very tough**_

_**And he tortures the poor innocent; pain inflicted on one's self**_

_**The darkness and the devil have got you where they want**_

_**And they think that with this plan they can never be stopped**_

_**And with their smirks and nasty minds they dissemble you**_

_**But there was one little kink that they did not think through**_

_**Light ending the tunnel comes rushing into save**_

_**The poor, little, soul the darkness had enslaved**_

_**And with its pure beauty it kills away the pain**_

_**And good prevails over evil this time as I know it will again**_

_**So never let the darkness sweep you in alone**_

_**Because really, it's all inside your head and you're not so on your own**_

_**Realize that even when the stars do not light the sky**_

_**They are somewhere out there, just not visible to the eye. **_

I was in tears when I finished the poem. Kurt had come so far; he was really recovering. He was going to be okay.

"Kurt, that was beautiful." I whispered to him

"Blaine, you know who that light was? The one that took away the darkness?" He whispered

"Who?"

"It was you Blaine. You were the light. See, I've realized that yes, there were things in the outside world that broke me down. But nothing, not one thing, broke me down more than myself. I chose to believe the words that these devils threw at me. It wasn't their evil that destroyed me; it was mine own. Of course, yeah, they played a part in it, but I tore myself down more than they ever could. And I don't want to be destroyed anymore Blaine, I want to be happy. And when all the bullying was going on, you were the light that came in and tried to take away all that pain. I still let it destroy me then, but not now. And not anymore, Blaine. Because I'm worth it." He said, letting tears roll down his face. I smiled, slowly moving my arm up to wipe away his tears.

"Kurt, I am so proud of you. You are so brave, and special. You are a true fighter. You don't have to let it destroy you, Kurt. You're worth it. And I love you so much. I have never been prouder of you than I am right now." I said, letting another tear flicker from my eye. I leaned in to kiss Kurt on the lips, letting my action explain what my words couldn't. I was so happy for Kurt. I was proud to be with him.

"Blaine, you are my rock. You are my sturdy rock; always there for me when I need something to lean on. You saved me. And I love you so much. Blaine I… I could never live without you." Kurt said after he released from the kiss.

"I love you Kurt. So much. I'm so proud of you." I said, glancing over at the clock. 11 PM

"Kurt, baby, I gotta go to sleep.I love you so much." I repeated. I kissed him on the forehead before getting up and walking to the door.

"Blaine?" His voiced piped. I turned around to see my beautiful Kurt; eyes red rimmed, but a smile on his face.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" He asked. I smiled at Kurt.

"What will Burt say?"

"He'll be okay with it." He reassured.

"I don't know Kurt" I said unsure. I need to shower. Well.. that was part of it.

"Please?" He begged quietly.

I couldn't resist. It had been a while since I had been able to cuddle with Kurt in bed; and we had come so far. He was doing so much better. And he looked so adorable, begging. I could save it for a night. I could try. For Kurt.

"Fine." I said with a smile.

I crawled in under the covers next to Kurt, snaking my arms around his waist and pulling him in so I could lean my head on his shoulder blade. I planted a small kiss on his neck; I could practically feel his smile.

"Goodnight, Blaine."

"Goodnight, Kurt."

Kurt had moved slightly to shut off the light, but was quick to resettle himself in my arms.

"I love you." He whispered.

I smiled at his words, moving my lips up to kiss his earlobe.

"I love you more than you'll ever understand." I whispered in to his ear.

I listened to Kurt's breaths as they quickly began to slow down; showing that my beautiful Kurt had fallen asleep in my arms. I tried to join him in dreamland, but my mind was wide awake; Kurt's words taunting me.

I couldn't help but let his words break my heart; I wasn't a rock. Look at what I was doing to myself! I was destroying myself. I was my own worst enemy. I thought back to Kurt's poem; specifically the last stanza. I let the words sink in, and it wasn't long before I realized that Kurt was right; I'm not alone. Even if I don't see it, help is always around. And I was destroying myself. I was letting the words of other people break me; I was letting them DEFINE me. But they shouldn't define me, because I was worth it. Kurt was right; maybe I'm not so far off the beaten path of happiness.

I couldn't allow myself to cut anymore. I needed to find a new coping method; something just as effective, but not self-destroying. I was better than that. And Kurt called me his rock; I couldn't be a rock if I was broken. I needed to do it for Kurt.

Maybe people did care. Maybe I was loved. And maybe, just maybe, I could be happy again.

Post A/N: Yay! A turn upward for Blaine! The sun is shining! (: for now. O.o - Blaine is really dedicated to getting better for Kurt; he is so moved by how well Kurt is doing; and he now sees how much Kurt cares; and how much he and everyone else has cared all along.

I'm looking into introducing New Directions soon. Not very soon… but soon. Maybe. Possibly. I don' know yet.

And it's funny, I had a set ending for this… but now…. I think I might change it. Completely. Huh. !

And did you guys enjoy the poetry? I could REALLY use some feedback on that.

Reviews= love

Redvines= love

****SO THEREFORE****

Reviews=Redvines. (: …. Well… virtual ones. To me… anyways. Yeah okay… my logic makes no sense. (:


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